Page 97 of A Crown of Hopes and Sorrows

I swallowed.

The entire night flashed through my mind.

The surprise of Hera finding me, the terror of being chained in that horrific cave, the relief when Valerian had arrived, and then the panic as I watched blood pour out of him, gushing with each swallow he took.

He should have died.

If it hadn't been for Temi’s connections, he would have.

But he never would have been in that position in the first place if it wasn’t for his relationship with me.

Every time he had pushed back with me about us coming together, he had worried about my future. He’d never mentioned what had now become painfully obvious to me.

He risked everything for my sake.

Yes, I could ruin my reputation. But my family loved me, and they were powerful. In the worst-case scenario for me, I had to deal with rumors and some shame… nothing new, really. But Valerian could lose all of his respect, his ability to work with other attendants and stablemen. While I didn’t believe Father would turn him out, if the others he worked with grew to distrust or dislike him, he could lose his career.

I had put his reputation on the line without thinking about it. No wonder his mother hated me. I winced as my finger found the sharp edge of a pebble in my curls. Water dripped onto the tile floor as I dislodged it and set it on a small table by the tub.

My thoughtlessness wasn’t because I didn’t care for Valerian, but that I had believed love would conquer all.

But I was a princess.

Him being entangled with me could cost him everything.

I flinched as I pulled another knot loose and my hair drip, drip, dripped into the water.

I had to let him go.

For his sake.

I never wanted him harmed because of me again.

I understood what he’d meant now, about having to look me in the eye when I suffered and knowing he was the cause.

Because I had experienced that. His emerald eyes had met mine as his life poured out onto the stone, and I knew it was my fault. I knew his death was on my hands.

So, I had to release him.

I sank down into the water as that settled on me.

It weighed on me as we packed the next day, made our goodbyes to Sappho, and loaded the boat. Once the ship pulled away from the shore, I leaned against the rail. The ocean stretched around like blue silk. Niria—and our future—lay ahead somewhere in the distance.

Valerian eased down beside me. “It’s a relief to leave the island.”

“Yeah, it is,” I whispered and pushed up to standing. “I’m going to go below deck. I’m tired.”

He frowned, his lips pursing, the healthy color of his cheeks deepened by the wind. “Of course.”

And I walked across the floor and clomped down the stairs, my heart sinking to my toes.

But it was for the best to end us.

Even if my soul ached at the idea.

40

Hyacinth