Page 80 of A Prudent Engagement

He swallowed. “I find it hard to speak what is in my mind—what is in my heart. And what I wish for…it is difficult. Those considerations that always influenced you still must influence you. Was your mother very angry upon hearing about our separation? Did you tell her at all? I have found that the news is not in general circulation.”

“I certainly told Mama—only she is convinced that we shall mend matters in time.”

Darcy choked out a laugh.

Elizabeth had not expected that. Their gazes met. Elizabeth felt a jolt in her stomach, and then they each looked away.

This time Darcy smiled a little as he looked out at the meadows. “Yes, that is a convenient belief.”

“I hope I have not offended you by not immediately announcing—I thought…I could not bear to tell everyone, not until it was necessary. I thought that so long as I prevented Mr. Miles from reading the banns a second time…”

Elizabeth felt grim and sad.

Why did she imagine that his behaviour suggested remaining affection?

Of course, he still had some affection for her…he had loved her. That had not been the difficulty.

“You found the prospect of declaring it unpleasant?” Darcy’s voice was low and rough. There was strong emotion in his tone. A shiver went down Elizabeth’s spine.

She nodded but did not trust her voice.

“As for me…Elizabeth, I realise that I was presumptuous. That I acted hastily. That I assumed much and that I allowed my pride to make me behave abominably—when I think of my behaviour in those first weeks in Hertfordshire, I can only feel shame. You rightly said that I was too proud, that I considered myself above my company, and that I thought meanly of you all due to the inferiority of your stations. And I had not imagined that any woman might find something lacking in me. It has been a hard lesson, but I am glad to have learned it.”

Elizabeth looked at Darcy’s dark, serious eyes. “I did not mean to—I had no notion that…Mr. Darcy, if you can—”

They both looked away from each other. Darcy turned towards the middle of the room. Jane and Mr. Bingley smiled at each other, somewhat away from where their mother sat with Kitty and Lydia. Mary worked on a piece by Haydn at the pianoforte.

“Elizabeth, I wish…to know you better. And for you to know me better.”

It was impossible to keep an incredibly wide smile from growing across her face.

This was not a renewed proposal, but it was a true promise of hope.

“I would like that very much.”

“That is what you said to me, the morning we travelled here from London. At the time I confess I was a little confused.” He added in a dry tone, with a tilt to his eyes that reminded Elizabeth in an odd way of Papa, “I had thought then that we both were very well acquainted with each other.”

Elizabeth laughed.

Mr. Darcy’s expression brightened greatly to hear it, and that made Elizabeth feel warm and as though she might soar like a bird.

There really was hope.

“There is little I would like more than to spend time with you,” she replied. “And you still must walk to Oakham Mount—you will love the view.”

“I have noticed that the weather is fine today.”

“We might convince Jane and Mr. Bingley to walk with us.”

Darcy then frowned and said in a low tone, “I have a confession I must make to you, one that I fear will make you think worse of me, but I must make it.”

“I think,” Elizabeth said, “that I have been often enough unhappy with myself that I shall not judge you too harshly.”

“When we are on the walk, I do not wish it to be possibly overheard.”

That left Elizabeth all curiosity, all interest, and all anticipation for the walk.

As the weather was in fact excellent and sunny, or what passed for sunny upon the clouded shores of Albion, there was a great deal of eagerness when Elizabeth suggested that they walk out to Oakham Mount.