Page 21 of Built to Last

I puffed out a breath. “And she’s supportive,” I admitted.

“There you go.” Gilbert gestured like he’d won a point.

“It’s not my family I worry about these days,” I argued, trying to build up my anger again, because entirely different, way less convenient feelings were swooping in to take its place. “I run a construction business. Construction. You know what kind of guys work construction. They’re not exactly going off to march in any pride parades.”

“Way to overgeneralize an entire industry,” Gilbert snorted.

“You don’t know these guys like I do,” I insisted.

“So you think the guys on your crew, who you’ve worked with for how long, would turn their backs on you and call you slurs if you hinted you were gay?”

I wanted to answer with an immediate yes. But honestly, I wasn’t sure. Hiro hadn’t batted an eyelash. He’d just assumed all this time and hadn’t brought it up until today. Darius was a church-going family man, but I’d also heard him mention something about a cousin who made him go to a drag show in Philly and how unexpectedly fun it’d been.

There was a possibility that the people I cared about the most wouldn’t turn their backs on me and make my life a living hell if I came out after all.

“I don’t want to risk it,” I said all the same. It was a grippingly honest thing to say.

Instead of leaning in and supporting me, Gilbert sneered. “How’s your boyfriend going to react when you tell him you’re not coming out for him?”

I sat straighter. “My what?”

Gilbert’s whole body seemed to glow red, and he couldn’t meet my eyes. “Marco doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who will accept a secret relationship.”

My eyes went wide. “Marco?” Is that what he thought?

“Some of us aren’t satisfied with dating in the closet,” he said, snapping his gaze up to meet mine.

I was confused. About a couple things. Gilbert thought something was going on between me and Marco? That aside, was he talking about himself and throwing this back to college again?

I chose to deal with the bigger elephant in the locker room first.

“Is that why you ditched me in college? Because I wasn’t in a rush to come out?”

“Duh,” Gilbert said. He was trying to be sarcastic, but he came off as sounding sad. “No one wants to be a secret.”

“You didn’t wait for me,” I told him, leaning forward and resting my arms on my knees to get as close to him as I could without budging from my bench. “I was working my way up to it. I wanted to come out. Do you think I wanted or want to live in the closet forever?”

Gilbert blinked, the bitterness draining from his face. “What do you mean, you were about to come out?”

“Just what I said. I was almost ready. We were more or less dating, even though we hadn’t had the conversation. I wanted to be with you without hiding.” I sat up and leaned back. “But you were an impatient fuck and ran away before giving me a chance.”

“You never told me you were thinking of coming out,” he said, his mood shifting yet again. This time, his eyes were filled with more vulnerability than I’d ever seen.

“It was a private decision,” I said.

“You could have told me,” Gilbert said, pushing off of his bench and coming to sit beside me. “You should have told me. I was more or less your boyfriend.”

“Yeah, a boyfriend who bailed the second he had to wait,” I grumbled.

Gilbert opened his mouth to defend himself, but closed it a second later and sighed, frowning. “We were both young and stupid back then,” he finally said. “But seriously, we have to have had at least some growth since then.” He didn’t sound sure of that.

“I’ve grown a lot,” I said, then swallowed and added, “But maybe not as much as I should have.” Gilbert didn’t reply or push back on that, which forced me to summon up the courage to say, “I don’t want to live in the closet forever. I do want to come out. To everyone.”

“Because of Marco?” Gilbert’s sourness was back.

“Fuck, Gil. What’s your obsession with Marco?” I demanded stiffening and glaring at him.

“He’s cute,” Gilbert shouted, like he was saying Marco was a dick. “He’s friendly and bubbly and adorable. He’s just your type.”