Page 24 of Ice Dance

She sighed, and her shoulders dropped. “For what it’s worth, I tried to dissuade him, but he’d made up his mind without consulting me.”

He’d decided. Just like that.

My bottom lip wobbled. I locked my jaw down and slammed my locker door closed. “Whatever. Doesn’t matter.”

“I’m sorry⁠—”

“Don’t be.” I shoved past her, awkward on my skates, and headed for the ice. Casey caught my eye, gesturing toward the ice, suggesting I should watch whatever was happening out there. He watched, Jen did too, and so did everyone else. All gazes had turned toward the ice. Hasegawa was out there, Alisha’s hand in his.

Fuck my life.

It wasn’t supposed to hurt like it did. Like he’d torn out my heart and my dreams along with it. Sometime during the past four days, I must have started caring, otherwise it wouldn’t have hurt to see him out there, smiling as though nothing had happened. The ice prince with his ice-cold heart.

The coward hadn’t even told me. I was supposed to find out like this.

My heart ached, and that was the most stupid part. Why had I let myself care?

He clearly didn’t give a shit and could just brush me off like I was nothing. Like I’d always been nothing.

Everyone watched them. Nobody watched me, which was a good thing, as I had no idea what my face was revealing about the heartbreak going on inside my chest.

I gritted my teeth so damn hard my jaw ached.

The conference room dance, the ideas I’d stayed up all night to put together and share with him over breakfast, the hours and hours I’d poured into making us work.

Didn’t matter.

I didn’t need him. I’d come here to get noticed, and I was going to do that. There was still the solo category. I didn’t need him or anyone. I could dance perfectly well alone. Better even. I’d make it so he regretted dropping me. Make it so he had no damn choice but to watch me in the spotlight and know he’d made a mistake.

I pushed it all down.

“Hey man, you alright?” Casey asked.

“Fine.”

“You sure? You’re shaking.”

Fuck. I blinked fast and reached for the boards to steady myself. “No, I’m good, just nerves.” I pinned my smile to my lips and made myself look away from him. I couldn’t think about it, not here, not today. All I could do was use it, put it into the dance, and perform to the very best of my ability. That was all I could control. Everything else was noise.

I avoided everyone for the next two hours. If I stopped to talk, they’d bring up Hasegawa. I couldn’t stop to listen to my thoughts either. Those were toxic. I did not look at Hasegawa. Wherever he was, I made sure I was as far across the ice as possible. If he’d seen me, he didn’t come over and apologize or explain or do anything. He just danced his practice with Alisha, and danced it well. But I wasn’t looking, wasn’t watching, didn’t care.

Word quickly spread that the panel consisted of the technical director—a retired skater whose name I should have known but didn’t—a former champion, federation rep, technical specialist, sponsor and broadcast representatives, and an artistic director. They wouldn’t just be looking for who could score highly, but who could handle the pressure and who could sell the future of the Meridian Cup.

No pressure, then.

Hasegawa would breeze it. All he had to do was show up with his partner and get both of them through it.

The audience was all industry people with lanyards around their necks.

An hour before the assessment times, we each got a list of requirements. Step sequences, twizzles, speed and flow, deep edges. Typical stuff. The couples were to show a lift potential as well as physical compatibility.

I got my practice time, along with everyone else, and the rink was emptied, skaters sent off to clear the ice for each assessment. This put us all outside the rink, in the corridors, the locker area, the blade-sharpening line, and the café. Nerves had the waiting spaces feeling charged and electric.

Hasegawa was on early, I knew that much from the gossip. My slot was toward late afternoon, which meant the hours of waiting might just kill me.

I’d come this far. I wasn’t failing now. I’d have a place in the Meridian Cup, even if it wasn’t beside Hasegawa.

Perhaps it was better that way.