Page 67 of The Surfer

“You know,” I reply. This is delicate, I have to be delicate. I don’t want to upset my man. “Surfing. How about you try surfing again?”

Come on, Cove. Please say yes.

“No.”

I expected that.

It’s a hard no, but I want to persist. This is my chance to change his mind.

Maybe he will change his mind for me.

I keep talking, convincing myself that I can convince Cove. “We’re on a secret beach, there’s no one else here to see you around here for miles and miles. It’s just me, standing here in front of you. Just my two eyes and no one else. You know me. You trust me.”

“I do trust you.”

“Then,” I say, resting my hand on his muscular pecs. “How about you just try to surf, just once, and see if you can still do it. This is your best chance to try it. The best chance.”

Cove turns his head away from me and I know I am losing him, but I want him to at least try.

I want to see him surf.

“Please, Cove.”

“No, Ripley.”

“This is the best time and place for you to try and do it. Just stand up on the board, that’s all you need to do, just like I’ve been doing. Like how you’ve taught me. That’s easy for you, please just stand up once and see what it’s like again. It’ll feel great, I promise.”

Cove sighs and turns back to face me, and that’s when I get to see the pain behind his eyes, the pain he always tries so desperately to hide from everyone, even me. “I can’t, Ripley.”

His voice is soft and distant.

“Why not?” I ask. I try not to be, but I’m growing more and more frustrated with him and his non-commitment. It’s not my place to make him do something he doesn’t want to do but surfing has been his whole life. He always speaks of it as being his passion, and now he’s just going to block off from doing it ever again for the rest of his life? Just because of one stupid accident? He isn’t even going to try at least once? That’s not a great way to live. “Why can’t you, Cove?”

Please say yes.

Cove looks me deep in the eyes and he speaks slowly. Great sadness and shame choke his voice. “Because I’m scared, Ripley.”

Oh.

At that moment he is the most vulnerable I’ve ever seen him be. This is who he is underneath all that bravado and cockiness and bad boy attitude. I can see him now. He’s just a scared, scarred boy afraid of failing again.

But I won’t let him fail again.

“I’ll be here. Do it for me,” I say softly. “Please.”

Cove pauses. He watches me carefully like he’s trying to read me like a book. I see the tumult unfolding within him. His mind. All the different thoughts and ideas and hope and fears clashing against each other in one big mess. He’s thinking.

“I’ll fall off again.”

He is so scared.

“No, you won’t,” I say, pressing harder. “You’re a natural at this. What happened at the surf competition a year ago was no fault of yours, it was just an accident.”

“I will. I’ll fall off again.”

“No, you’re Cove Finn, the best amateur surfer in the Southern Hemisphere,” I say with a smile. I need to break through to him, I need to make him understand. I know he does somewhere inside. He just needs a push from someone he loves. Someone like me. “Don’t you want to be that again? You’ve said surfing is the best feeling in the world, don’t you want to feel that again?”

He nods slowly. “I do,” he says.