Page 154 of Relapse

Chelsea stared at me. She wasn’t often the serious one. But at that moment, I felt like she was looking at me like my mother used to do. “Delane,” she said softly. “What the hell have you gotten yourself into?”

I wished I knew.

“I think he loves us both,” I confessed.

Chelsea’s eyes widened.

I shook my head and tried again, “At least, we both love him.” I decided that was more correct. “I’m not really sure what Noah is feeling about this at all.”

It was becoming more and more apparent that I didn’t know Noah as well as I thought I had. And something about that stung. It was an overwhelming sense of deception that I didn’t know how to process. I had trusted him with pieces of myself I had never given anyone else, and a part of me was bitter.

I was discovering entire parts of his life that had existed without me. I had been in the dark.

The next morning, Damian called from Noah’s phone and asked me if I wanted to see him off. He told me that Noah was going to rehab. At first, I told him no—I wasn’t going to go back to the hospital. There was only so far I could stretch myself, and emotionally, I was pouring from an empty cup.

How could I face him? Everything felt so uncertain.

I wanted to put all of this behind me. I wanted my life back. I wanted to wake up and not have every thought consumed by family feuds, violence, secrets, hospitals, and near-death experiences. I just wanted the world to make sense again.

But deep down, I knew I couldn’t just leave him. No matter how angry I became, no matter how confused or hurt I felt, my heart refused to let go of him.

Then he texted me:

My brother is forcing me into rehab. I’ll be MIA for a while.

Something inside told me that if I didn’t see him, I would regret it.

So I got back in my car and drove to the hospital.

I mingled awkwardly with his family until he was discharged.

I watched him get into the car that would take him away.

A knot formed in my stomach when I saw him.

The hospital scrubs hung loosely from his frame, and his face had lost what little color it normally carried. His cheeks seemed hollow. The sharpness of his jaw stood out more than it ever had before, and dark circles clung to the undersides of his eyes. Even walking the short distance to the car seemed to take the wind out of him.

For the first time since I’d met Noah, he looked fragile. The overdose had sapped him of life.

Gone was the reckless, confident young man who charged headfirst into every problem. Gone was the sparkle in his eyes when he looked my way. No more cheeky little smirk—the one he’d give when he knew he was getting his way about something.

Instead, he looked tired.

Painfully, heartbreakingly tired.

I assured him everything would be okay here. Not to worry about us. I forced a smile.

Then I watched him leave.

And although I already knew the answer, on the drive home, I found myself wondering if my life would ever return to what it had been before I met him.

Chapter thirty-nine

Second Chance

NOAH

They checked me in rather quickly. I even had my own personal tour guide taking me through every hall and space for self-care. This facility had a spa, a library, and a pool. I could tell right away that Damian and my mom spared no expenses.