Page 172 of Relapse

I couldn’t entertain his emotions without bringing out all of mine. And I didn’t want to. I wanted to turn them off.

“Let me show you what I can give you, hmm? Let me hear you tell me no.” I stared up at him through my lashes. “Tell me no, baby.” I toyed with the pet name—something I never did but I knew he couldn’t resist.

Silas squirmed. “We shouldn’t, Noah. It isn’t the time—”

“It is,” I cut him off, stroking him through his boxers. “Just look at your cock. He’s at least happy to see me. Put him in my mouth. Beg me to suck you.”

Silas cursed, every muscle in his body tensing up.

Please, I begged silently, somewhere deep where he couldn’t hear. Please give in. Please take this from me. Please make me empty.

If he surrendered, if he finally stopped fighting me, I could sink into the darkness where nothing hurt. I needed him to use me and to burn up every thought in my head.

I wanted him to obliterate everything David had ruined.

SILAS

“You want me,” Noah confirmed, touching me through my clothes.

“I always want you.” The words tore out of me before I could stop them. “I want to bury myself in you every time I see you. When I’m in your presence, all I can think about is being inside you. With you. Every way. I want to make your skin scream. I taste you on the tip of my tongue even when you’re not with me.”

Noah didn’t realize it, but I was the real addict among us. He was my drug. And while he could work through his cravings, I didn’t ever want to be clean of him. I never wanted to stop.

“So what are we waiting for?” Noah breathed.

I watched as he settled back on his knees. I was already solid, aching, helpless against what he could do to me. I wanted him so badly it hurt. I was a fiend and he was my fix.

Those bright, devastating eyes of his beckoned up at me from between my thighs.

“Tell. Me. No.” He repeated each word slowly, a sweet, cruel smirk forming on his lips. He didn’t need to hear me say anything. He already knew what my response would be.

I couldn’t resist him.

And I was going to bury myself in him.

I exhaled a shaky breath, trying to remember how we’d gotten here in the first place.

Oh, right. The L-word. I used it. Like a million times.

Fucking idiot.

“Raven,” my voice came out hoarse, my erection impossible to conceal or deny, but I still had to try, one last time. “This doesn’t change what I want. What I need. What I know you feel.”

Noah said nothing. His bright eyes just shimmered back at me, endless and unreadable.

NOAH

I trailed my hands up to Silas’s boxer band and he tensed. I knew that’s what he wanted. My mouth. My body. My fucking skill.

It was the only thing I was ever good at.

This is what you deserve, I told myself, the pain overwhelming me. This is all you’re worth.

I reached forward with my mouth, tugging the gentle fabric down with my teeth, and Silas made a low growl in the back of his throat.

“Raven,” he repeated, but it was so much weaker this time. I had him. He couldn’t say no to me, just like I couldn’t say no to the destruction I craved.

I didn’t break eye contact with him as I shuffled the rest of his boxers down, just low enough to meet his hardened cock face to face.