My eyes shot to his. His words hurt. Deeply.
Because he was right. He did warn me.
And I didn’t listen.
“The reason I’ve kept Silas so close is because he knows more about my past than anyone. He knows me.”
I watched his form begin to tremble. I could feel the shaking in his muscles as he held me.
“But the reason he knows me isn’t exactly what you may think. Our relationship has grown, yes—our feelings have grown—but it didn’t start that way. It started as a transaction. The one for you. But within that transaction, he discovered layers of my trauma. Things I couldn’t hide from him anymore.Things you started to notice, but I didn’t tell you about, because I was too afraid you would leave.”
The pit in my stomach grew. “What things?”
Noah’s jaw clenched. He closed his eyes like what he was about to say was too much for him.
“My father—David. The man you know as the Chief. He—” he stopped. “He—”
Noah’s gaze drifted upwards, as if he needed to look at the ceiling for answers. His mouth opened and closed again. He couldn’t get it out.
“H-he hit you,” I stuttered out, trying to help him fill the silence. “I remember you telling me that.”
Noah nodded once. “Give me a second,” he breathed.
I could do nothing but stare at him, and observing his silent struggle made my pulse ring in my ears. I had never seen Noah like this. He always had a careful explanation of things, or a sarcastic comeback. But now he looked... afraid.
“David raped me. Several times when I was a child. And then again—shortly after I met you.”
I wasn’t ready for it.
I didn’t know anyone who could be. To hear such an awful, despicable truth.
“What?” My instant reaction was shock.
Noah squinted his eyes tightly together. “Please, don’t make me say it again.”
“No,” I whispered, my hands instantly finding his face, hold him steady. “No,” I repeated.
But he was already crying.
There were no ragged sobs. No contorted expression. Just the tears. Each of them falling, one after another, silently down his face.
The rest of him stood motionlessly. Perfectly still, as if even breathing too deeply might shatter whatever was holding him together.
My chest ached with a grief that wasn’t mine. But there was nothing I could say or do. Nothing could make this better.
Noah gave a half-hearted smile through his tears.
“Someone as perfect as you wouldn’t have been able to deal with the horrible nightmares happening to me. How could I ask you to abandon your life to join mine when it was so incredibly fucked up?”
His hands slid to the small of my back, his face resting in my hands, his gaze pointed away from me. “You are a shining light in my world. The best thing that has ever happened to me. You’ve saved my life more times than I can count.”
“Noah…”
He didn’t answer. He didn’t even look at me.
Slowly, I brushed away a tear with my thumb. More followed.
“You never deserved that,” I whispered. “Not a single second of it.”