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I entered the shower and waited. Unsure of why I felt so nervous.

It’s not like I hadn’t been familiarized with Noah’s body. At this point, I knew every inch of him. Happily.

But we just weren’t…intimate.

We didn’t go on dates or talk shit out. We sure as shit didn’t share showers together. But I couldn’t help it. I wanted to reach him. I needed him to know that I wanted more.

I wanted him in every way. Not just the physical.

I tried not to get my hopes up. Noah was good at covering up his actual feelings. I felt like I had gotten pretty good at deciphering his true intentions, but there were always those moments about him that surprised me. The unexpected ones.

I knew he’d probably leave. I was shocked that he hadn’t already, honestly. With his birthday gift surprise, I was almost certain I had crossed a boundary that he wouldn’t forgive me for.

But the aftermath of our sex was fucking bliss. We laid sprawled across my desk for at least an hour. If I had been able to pause time, to stop the world from turning, I would’ve chosen that moment to do it.

I hadn’t expected him to return back to my house, to sleep in my bed, or even cater to the idea of the shower.

The sound of the door opened with a little click and my heart skipped some.

Then again…he was full of surprises it seemed.

Why was I so nervous?

Noah entered the bathroom tentatively, and I tried to busy myself somehow, grabbing body wash for like the third time to keep something in my hands. I had to pretend like I wasn’t just standing in there, waiting for him to arrive.

He pulled back the glass panel door and stepped in behind me. I made no move to acknowledge him. I didn’t want to seem too eager or anxious.

“Can you move? I’m cold.”

I rolled my eyes. What had I even been concerned about? Of course this wasn’t serious in Noah’s eyes. Brat.

I rotated my body around and peered at him.

“You know there’s a second shower head,” I ushered to the spout above him.

“Oh,” he muttered.

I awkwardly reached out, my lathered body coming into contact with his skin as I leaned to turn on the waterfall showerhead above him. The water sputtered out and began to drench him and he sighed, sinking back into the heat. I watched him…greedily.

He was perfect.

“Soap?” I offered.

His eyes peeked open. “Yeah. Thanks.”

I poured some into his hands and tried not to stare as he lathered his hair and body. He turned to face his faucet and I was met with the plains of his back muscles.

I didn’t even think. I covered my hands with soap and reached forward, tracing from his shoulders down to the small of his back. He tensed almost instantly, his hands freezing mid scrub of his hair.

“Easy, Raven. Let me help. I want to.”

I used my hands to scrub him gently, squeezing his shoulder blades beneath each lather, wishing he would release all of the built up tension. I trailed my fingers down to the small of his back, pressing with my thumbs, rotating my hands firmly against his skin and then back up again.

Gradually, his hands lowered to his sides, and the stiffness in his shoulders eased beneath my touch. After a few more steady motions, his body finally responded, leaning back against my hands, accepting me.

“This isn’t…easy for me,” he mumbled, and I watched from over his shoulder as he stared at the tile, as if he wanted anything but to look at me. Still, a heat warmed throughout my chest at his attempt to talk to me. He was trying, and that meant everything to me.

“I don’t ever do…this,” he continued, a slight quiver in his voice.