Page 74 of Relapse

Something good.

And God help me, I wanted to see what she saw.

The feeling had its own intoxicating pull, and I wanted to drown in it.

The thought that someone could find a part of me that was not corrupt or disgusting, felt like I was living in a fantasy I didn’t deserve. Delane seemed to look past the me I presented to the world. She was looking beneath all of the layers and trauma, and she didn’t even realize it. She saw a version of me that I didn’t even know myself.

I was so used to being called tainted. Used. Trash.

Was it even possible that someone could see past the mask I hid behind each and every day?

But maybe...this was the mask. Maybe, this version of myself with Delane was fake. She didn’t see the bad parts of my life. She didn’t see the drug use beyond the vape pen—I made sure of it. She didn’t see me drink. She didn’t hear me lie. She didn’t know...

...she didn’t know that I had a relationship with someone else.

Here we fucking go. My mind couldn’t stop. Couldn’t shut up even as I desperately trailed kisses down Delane’s throat.

It’s not like I was intentionally exclusive to her or anyone. But hadn’t I been? These last few months hadn’t I been with Silas only?

Was that...exclusive?

The thought of Silas made my chest tighten with how I ended things. Even as pissed as I was at him, I couldn’t just turn off the part that cared. I worried for him. I didn’t want Jace to take his anger out on him because of me.

Delane continued to kiss me. My mind swam as her dress bunched up and over her thighs, leaving her more exposed. My hands slid upward to her ass, feeling the patterned lace of her panties beneath my fingers.

Fuck. I would ruin her. I knew I would.

And yet, I couldn’t stop the lick of my lips while thinking how she’d absolutely let me.

Why did I even care so much? She probably wanted me to ruin her. The idea of Delane joining me as my gorgeous little partner in crime had my cock begging for release from my pants. She had to have felt it.

The “crime” part of partner in crime instantly brought Silas’s face to my mind.

My chest heaved at the idea. I could only imagine the both of them. Having them...both. The thought alone was euphoric. My mind reeled, painting a vivid picture of four hands on my skin, two pairs of lips, two heated bodies pressed against me from both sides. The overwhelming possibility of it was a dizzying rush, and I had to clench every muscle in my body to keep myself from breaking apart right then.

Delane abruptly broke from my grasp and stared down at me, her eyes sparkling, her lips swollen and puffy. “I want to…”

I stared back, the sheer beauty of her leaving me speechless. If this was a dream, I hoped to never wake up.

Delane’s hand slipped down to my crotch and my breath hitched in my throat.

Holy shit. I wasn’t imagining this.

“I want to...see you. All of you. Can I?”

She was…asking? My throat felt like cotton and the guilt was a hard knot in my chest, pressing against me.

“Delane…” Her name floated out of my mouth with a tremble.

Her hand eased down between her legs, gently caressing me from outside of my pants. My legs tensed. Fuck, she was barely doing anything to me, and it felt so good.

“Noah, I can feel you. I know you want this. I—” her voice caught. “I want it too, please.”

Her words were like a match to gasoline. The last bit of restraint I had snapped and I surged upwards from the bench, yanking down my pants in a single motion.

She rose with me, a gasp hanging on her lips as her hands flew to my neck, clinging to me for balance. I dropped back down against the cushioned hardwood, bare assed and completed exposed, uncaring that I was about to fuck Delane on the bench outside of my own house.

Delane wanted me. I wanted her. And I was going to have what I wanted. I didn’t give a shit anymore. I was selfish.