Page 268 of Faking the Goal

I shake my head. "No. She's only recently started getting stronger again, and the last thing she needs is to worry about whether she can continue her treatment. If she knew what he was doing, she'd tell him to keep his money, even if refusing it put her health at risk. She'd rather suffer than let me give up my future for her."

"And your sister?"

"She'd say the same thing. Then she'd probably threaten to quit school and come home, which is exactly why I haven't told either of them."

Taylor leans back slightly, her gaze never leaving mine. "So you're protecting them by letting this destroy you instead?"

"I'm handling it."

"No, you're hiding it. There's a difference."

I know she's right, but that doesn't make the decision any less impossible. I rub my thumb slowly over the back of her hand, staring at our joined fingers while I try to find a way to explain something I'm not sure I fully understand myself. "I've been thinking about accepting his offer."

Taylor jerks her head up so quickly that her hair slips over her shoulder. "You've been thinking about what?"

"Going back to Japan."

For a moment, she only stares at me, as if she's waiting for me to admit I'm joking. When I don't, her disbelief turns into an outright glare. "Ken-chan, you can't be serious."

"I am."

"You're talking about giving up hockey. Not just playing here, but the draft, the NHL, everything you've spent your entire life working toward."

"I know what I'd be giving up."

"Then how can you even consider it?"

"Because this isn't only about me." The frustration in my voice comes out sharper than I intend, but once the words begin, I can't stop them. "My mother needs treatment. My sister is halfway across the world building a future of her own. I can't gamble with their lives because I want to chase mine. If I choose hockey and my father follows through, they're the ones who suffer for it."

"And if you choose him, you're the one who suffers."

"That's different."

"Why?"

"Because I can live with it."

Her expression softens, but her voice doesn't. "Can you?"

I look away.

Taylor shifts closer, turning toward me until her knee presses against my thigh. "You keep calling it selfish to choose your own future, but what your father is asking you to do isn't a sacrifice you freely decided to make. He created this situation on purpose because he knows how much you love them. He knows you'll destroy yourself before you let either of them struggle, and he's counting on that."

"What other choice do I have?"

"I don't know yet," she admits. "Maybe there isn't an easy one. Maybe every option is going to hurt somebody. But deciding that your dream is automatically the least important thing in this equation isn't fair either."

"My dream doesn't matter more than my family."

"I'm not saying it does. I'm saying you matter to your family too." Her voice grows quieter, but the certainty behind it only deepens. "Do you really believe your mother fought so hard to get away from your father because she wanted you to spend the rest of your life becoming his puppet? Do you think your sister would happily finish school knowing the cost was you giving up everything you love?"

"They'd tell me not to do it."

"Because they love you. The same reason you're considering doing it."

I close my eyes and lean my head against the back of the couch. That's the part I can't escape. No matter how many times I turn the problem over in my mind, it always comes back to the same thing: I can't ask my mother to risk her health, and I can't be the reason my sister loses the future she's worked for. Hockey has been my dream for as long as I can remember, but they are my family. They will always come before anything I want for myself.

"I don't know how to choose myself when choosing myself could hurt them," I admit, my voice lower now. "I know what he's doing. I know he's using them to control me, but knowing that doesn't make the consequences any less real."