Page 331 of Faking the Goal

"I know this is probably the worst fucking time to say it," he murmurs. His voice catches, and the sight of that nearly breaks me. Kentaro is always so controlled, so careful with what he lets the world see, but there is nothing guarded about him now. "But I thought I was too late. When I saw you—when I saw what he did to you—I thought I'd lost my chance to tell you."

My throat closes.

He drops his gaze to our joined hands, his jaw tightening as he draws in a rough breath. "When I suggested we pretend to date, I already knew I was falling for you. I knew it before we ever agreed to any of this. And I need you to know that none of it was fake for me, Taylor."

His thumb moves slowly over my fingers.

"Everything I showed you, everything I told you—I meant it. I've been trying to find the right time to tell you how I really feel. I kept hoping that if I waited a little longer, maybe I'd know you felt the same way. Maybe when I finally told you I loved you, I wouldn't be the only one standing there with my fucking heart in my hands."

A faint, humorless laugh leaves him.

"Ken-chan..."

"I've had those words sitting on the tip of my tongue for so fucking long." His fingers tighten around mine. "But after what happened, I can't keep swallowing them down anymore."

His eyes lift to mine.

"I love you, Taylor. Fuck, I love you so much it scares me sometimes. Because nothing about what I feel for you has ever been small. The way I want you is maddening—like a wildfire tearing through everything I once was. You live under my skin, in every thought, every heartbeat, like a curse I never asked for but would die to keep."

My breath shudders out of me.

He lifts his eyes again, and there is so much in them that I can barely stand to look at him. Love. Fear. Anger that has nowhere to go. The lingering horror of finding me hurt and being unable to undo it.

"And when I say I want you, I mean so much more than wanting you in my bed." His gaze moves over me before returning to my eyes. "Fuck, I want you in every way a man can want a woman, but it goes so much deeper than that."

His eyes hold mine.

"I don't just want your body—I want your silence, your chaos, your softest secrets, your darkest fears. I want every piece of you that no one else sees. I want to ruin you so sweetly you forget who you were before me."

His voice falters after the words, and his expression softens as he looks at the bruises on my face.

"I want to love you until you forget every person who ever made you believe you were difficult to keep. Until you forget what it feels like to think you have to survive everything alone. I want to give you so much happiness that the life you had before me feels like something that happened to someone else."

Something inside me cracks wide open.

I press my lips together, but a broken sound still escapes. Kentaro is out of his chair before I can stop him, bending over me with one hand cupping the side of my face that is not swollen. His touch is featherlight, almost reverent, and I turn into his palm before I remember why I cannot.

Why I should not.

Why every beautiful word coming out of his mouth is another weapon Charlie could use against me.

He lets out a soft, almost disbelieving laugh and drags a hand through his hair. "Yeah, I know I sound insane. Maybe I am. But I don't fucking care."

Then he leans closer and rests his forehead carefully against mine. "If loving you means losing my sanity, then baby, I'll lose it smiling."

A sob climbs into my throat.

For one selfish, glorious moment, I let myself believe we can have this. That I can say the words back, pull him closer, and allow his love to cover every ugly thing Charlie has done. I imagine leaving this hospital with Kentaro beside me. I imagine waking up next to him, stealing his shirts, fighting over nothing, watching him on the ice and knowing he is mine when he looks through the glass for me.

I imagine a life in which I am loved.

Not temporarily. Not conditionally.

Loved completely, recklessly, maddeningly.

It is the sweetest dream I have ever had.

And that is exactly why I have to destroy it.