Page 36 of Trial and Error

Elias removes himself from my arms and sits on the couch, dropping his head into his hands, and I can sense that he needs some time alone. Helen and Patrick see this, too, and look at me with a worried glance.

Helen stands from her spot on the couch and makes her way over to him, leaning down to press a kiss to the crown of his head. “I know you need some space to digest everything, so we’re going to leave, but call me when you’re ready to talk.”

Elias doesn’t answer, or even move, as she takes a step back and into the hall. It’s not my apartment, but it seems wrong to let them show themselves out—especially when they just delivered some life altering news.

Patrick helps Helen with her shoes as I grab their coats from the coat rack. It feels normal, being in his apartment like this, saying goodbye to his parents after a visit, and I have to push that feeling down because now it not the time to be fantasizing about how easy it would be to be with Elias.

Helen turns to look at me with red rimmed eyes, and my gut clenches—I may not know this woman very well, but seeing her in such emotional distress has the sympathetic crier in me ready to ball my eyes out.

“Thank you for being here for him,” she says, putting her hand on my bicep. “It means a lot to the two of us that he has someone there for him. He never really lets people in, but he seems relaxed with you.”

My heart aches.

“I’m glad I could be here, too,” I reply, not knowing what else to say.

They both pull me into a hug and say their goodbyes. I wait until they’re out of view before I close the door and lean against it, letting out a strained sigh. I stay there for a few minutes, trying to figure out what the hell I’m going to say to Elias.

He’s still in the same position I left him in when I return. Should I even be here? This seems like such a private moment that I shouldn’t be part of.

The moment a sob leaves his mouth is when I decide that it doesn’t matter who I am to him as long as I can be there to offer some form of comfort. I’m kneeling in front of him before I can tell myself it’s a bad idea. I place my hands on his arms and give him a squeeze, watching him as he lifts his head from his hands.

His bottom lip quivers—and I hate it. I hate seeing him this way.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, reaching up to wipe his tears. “I’m sorry I can’t take the pain away.”

He shakes his head, sniffling as he moves. “God, this is fucking embarrassing.”

“No, it isn’t. You’re allowed to cry over something like this—you’re only human.” I pause, “I can leave if you want to be alone. I don’t want you to feel like you can’t ask me to leave.”

Elias reaches out and cups my cheek with his palm, brushing his thumb over my cheekbone, and I feel myself leaning into his touch. My eyes flutter close as I let out a small sigh.

“Stay,” he says quietly, and my eyes reopen. “Please.”

Without another word, I rise up until my face is level with his and loop my arms around his neck, pulling him to me. The grip he has on me is firm and he lifts me from the ground with ease until I’m on his lap. It feels natural when he buries his face into the crook of my neck, and I weave my fingers through his hair.

Elias pulls his head back and I brush my nose against his. He lets out a shakily breath, his grip tightening around me as I nudge forward an inch until our lips are a hair’s breadth away.

“Elias?” I say, my voice barely audible.

“Hmm?”

I swallow. “Can I kiss you?”

“Yes,” he replies, his voice gruff.

Suddenly, I feel nervous. Like this is our first kiss and I don’t know how to act. I angle my shoulders forward and slowly lean into him, my lips brushing against his so softly it feels like they’re barely touching. He’s not moving underneath me, letting me take control but I feel his hands shake slightly.

I don’t want him to feel like I’m taking advantage, or forcing myself on him so I pull back and go to rest my head on his shoulder, but his hand reaching up to cup the back of my neck stops me.

“I don’t want to fuck or anything like that,” he tells me, rubbing his nose against mine, “But I wouldn’t mind sharing a few kisses and cuddling for a bit.”

I smile as he captures my lips with his, and I sigh happily into the kiss. His lips are soft, yet firm against my own and I find myself melting into him. His hands move from my waist and he curls his arms around my back, pulling me against him.

“I forgot how much I enjoy kissing you,” he mumbles against my lips, swiping his tongue over my bottom lip.

I hum. “You’ve only kissed me once before.”

“It was enough to have me desperate for more,” he replies, and I can’t stop the moan that comes out of my mouth at his words. “I feel like it would be too easy to get carried away with you.”