Page 90 of Trial and Error

Everything that could’ve gone wrong, went wrong…and I have no one to blame but myself.

bridget

Running on three hours of sleep is not good for the soul, and neither is the headache I’ve got that I’m convinced was sent straight from the deep, dark depths of hell.

Oh, and not talking to Elias is also making me feel pretty fucking sad.

It’s been a week and a half since the fight. Eleven days, if I’m counting.

Which I’m not. Obviously.

He’s texted and called, but I can’t find it in me to answer.

Was I too quick to jump the gun and assume the worst? Probably…but all I know is that I needed to get out of there before it got any worse. Hearing how he felt brought back memories of my last fight with Tom, and I couldn’t do that again—not with him.

Not with someone who has spent the last few months showing me what it truly feels like to be loved. The time I’ve spent with Elias has been filled with so much happiness and joy, and I don’t know if I’m ready to let go of that yet.

The handle on my front door twists and Natalie walks in with two coffees. Her dark eyes roam over my sweatpants that have some dried ketchup on them just above the knee and the striped shirt I wore the last time I had my heart broken.

I call it my break-up shirt.

“Oh, good lord,” she breathes out as she kicks the door shut behind her. “What are you listening to? Songs you slowly want to die to?”

I hold out my phone and show her the playlist I created: Songs I slowly want to die to.

“I knew it.” Natalie smirks as she sets the coffees down and “Roslyn” by Bon Iver begins to play. “Oh, absolutely not. C’mon, Bella Swan, let’s get you out of your sad girl era.”

I grumble as she pauses the song and push myself up onto my elbows. “Leave me alone.”

She scoffs and pushes my feet off the couch so she can sit down. “No.” Natalie reaches forward and picks up her drink. “We’re going to talk about whatever it is that’s turning you into this sad little gremlin, and then we’re going to put together an action plan.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I whine as I sit upright and take the cup she holds in my direction. “Talking about it means reliving it, and I don’t want to do that.”

She turns to look at me with a frown on her face. Her usual bright blonde hair sits messy on the top of her head and her dark roots are beginning to show. Hazel eyes lock in on my face and it’s then that I notice the bags underneath them and how tired she looks. Her normal brightness has been dimmed, and all I want to do is wrap her in my arms and hold her against me, but I know Natalie and if I tried to do that she’d probably karate chop me in the throat.

“Why do you look like that?”

“Like what?” she asks, narrowing her eyes.

“Like a sadder and smaller gremlin.”

Natalie rolls her eyes. “We’re not talking about me right now.” I pout. “I’ll make you a deal—you tell me what happened with lover boy, and I’ll tell you all of my woes.”

I sigh. As much as I don’t want to talk about Elias, I want to know what’s wrong with her, so I’ll just have to suffer through my discomfort for her.

“I think we’re over.”

“You think?” I nod. “Well, what happened?”

“The engagement party,” I deadpan, and she nods slowly. “Why didn’t you warn me about it?”

She shrugs. “Out of all the shit that’s happened, I didn’t think an engagement party would tip you over the edge.”

“It didn’t tip me over the edge.”

Natalie raises her brows. “Interesting.”

“I had a tiny moment—if you can even call it that—in the bathroom, and he walked in and it was fine. Then we get to his place later, and he’s like ‘I can’t do this anymore,’ and we get into this fight and it spirals, and things got said…and I left.” I’m word-vomiting it all out.