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I got one of our baskets that could do double duty for throwing little toys in, then I arranged things in it like I’d seen Leslie do. She was the best at that. But there was no way it was getting a bow. A girl could handle only so much.
Zarek answered the door holding Olivia, which I was not prepared for.
"Hey," he said, stepping back to let me in. He looked tired. "Chloe's grabbing a quick nap. Olivia had her up most of the night."
"I can come back—"
"No way. She’ll be up soon. Anyway, I’m betting it’s Olivia you really want to see." He gently took my arm, and I let myself be pulled into the house.
I looked around and laughed. Almost every surface was covered with baby paraphernalia.
Zarek looked at me. “I know, right? She’s taken over.”
There was a burp cloth here, bibs, empty baby food jars there. Totally not the Post household.
We settled on the couch, and Zarek shifted Olivia in his arms with a practiced ease that I adored and envied. Mostly. Mostly adored.
"You want to hold her?" He read my mind.
"No," I said. "I'm good."
Zarek looked at me for a long moment. I had absolutely no idea what my face was doing, but whatever it was, it betrayed me completely, because he leaned forward and transferred Olivia into my arms before I could lie again.
She was already bigger. She stared up at me. Her eyes were brown like mine, like Chloe’s, like every Avery before her. I bent my head and breathed her in, that magical baby smell, warm and milky. I just sat there for a long while, drinking in the uniqueness of Olivia.
Zarek was silent, God bless the man. I don’t know how long I held her. It was wonderful.
Then, with the air of a man who had been patient long enough, he said, "You and Adam were pretty tight-lipped about the delivery."
I kept my eyes on Olivia. "Were we?"
"Mm. It must have been rough."
"It wasn't too bad," I said. "His four-year-old son provided a lot of comic relief."
"I've had to deliver two babies," Zarek said. "In the field. Both normal deliveries, thank God, and it was still one of the scariest things I've ever done. Both of those women were in serious pain, Zoe."
I smiled down at Olivia's sleeping face. "Being quiet wasn't really an option. James couldn't turn the volume up on the Minions movie without risking permanent hearing damage, so I had to keep it together."
Zarek blinked. "The Minions movie."
"He was very invested. And then in the middle of everything, he wanted to know if babies came out of a lady's belly button."
“You made that up.”
“I wish I had that good of an imagination. It was all him. Adam told him something, I can’t remember what. I was a little preoccupied."
"I can imagine," he managed, still laughing. "How long did it take? Do you know?"
I thought about it. The snow and the dark and the way time had done something strange, stretching and compressing all at once. "I don't really know," I said honestly. "It felt like a long time, but it probably wasn't."
He nodded slowly. Then he was quiet for a moment, and when he spoke again his voice had changed entirely.
"Zoe." He stopped. Cleared his throat. "I don't have the words. I've been trying to find them since the night she was born and I still don't have them." His voice broke on the last word, just slightly, and I watched two tears track quietly down his face. He didn't wipe them away. "Thank you. From everything I am. Thank you for giving me my daughter."
My throat went tight.
I felt her before I heard her—a warmth settling onto the cushion beside me, a familiar weight leaning gently into my side.