Page 41 of Shatter

One hand finds my hip and the other my thighs, wrapping me immediately in his protection, like it's the most natural thing in the world. Like he doesn't even question it. Like his body knows, so his brain doesn't have to think about it.

My bravado wavers a little with his proximity.

"I like your friends," I whisper, looking into his deep brown eyes. It's the first time in a long time that I've been able to - to just hold his eyes with mine - no rush, no agenda, no performance.

"Yeah?"

"Cass and Declan."

"Daniel's not working tonight."

I nod. Daniel's the fourth of their little friend group.

"Shit. Speaking of," he says, scrambling in his chair to pull his phone from his back pocket. I go to slide off of him, but the hand on my hip keeps me in place. He texts with one hand as he speaks. "I forgot about Family Dinner..." Unease settles through me. Does he have a family I don't know about? Does he mean family like my mom and Chris?

"What's... Family Dinner?" I ask, hesitantly.

"The Envelope crew get together once a month for Family Dinner, now that two of us are paired up." I'm not really sure that answered my question. "It's fine. I'll just see if they can do it at my place this month. I wouldn't want the paparazzi to film you going into their houses."

I hum thoughtfully while he fires off a text.

When he sets his phone back down on the desk, I mentally put on my big girl panties. What would Cass do?

"What are we doing, Harrison? What are we to each other?"

My heart races as I wait for his answer. I appreciate that he's taking the time to think about an answer and not just blurting out whatever he thinks I want to hear. But the seconds drip by painfully slowly, and the urge to scream is building.

His thumb rubs against my hip as he thinks, and I don't know if I love it or if it pisses me off.

"I don't know what we are. But I can tell you what I am. I'm whatever you need me to be, for however long you need it."

I don't know why the first emotion after hearing that is disappointment. I don't know what I wanted him to say. I don't know what I want from him, either.

Do I want happily-ever-after with this man? The more I think about it, the more I think I do. Before the fall-out, I'd been excited to play with him, rile him up, piss him off, do more primal play with him. It felt like we had all the time in the world to get to know each other.

But now we're living together. For who knows how long.

I drop my gaze and nod, realizing that his answer is actually perfect. He's letting me define the rules here. He's letting me be in control of what happens in this relationship.

Maybe I'd wanted a flowery declaration of love and devotion. But maybe this was what I needed. If he'd confessed he was falling for me, I would have put pressure on myself to be perfect for him - to be the perfect girlfriend I thought he deserved. I know I would have. I've been playing roles since I was a child - it's all I know. I would have slipped into the role of "Harrison's girlfriend," and it wouldn't have been me. Not the me I'm trying to discover and become.

"Why?" I ask him again. Cass had called him a fixer - a protector. But when did he decide to fix and protect me? And why? I'm not exactly a stranger to him, but I also certainly haven't earned his protection or care.

"Why not?" he replies, seemingly equally as confused as I am.

I huff out a frustrated sound. "That's not an answer, Harrison. Why have you decided to be whatever I need? I don't understand you." Frustration laces my words, even as my fingernails trace paths through the short hair on the back of his head. He shivers in response, and I make a note to do it again.

He's quiet for a while, head tipped back, eyes closed, enjoying my caress.

"Because out of everyone in the lifetime that I've met, I've never met someone so utterly alone in this world. Everyone in your life demands something from you - your time, your talent..." Your money, I want to add, but he doesn't know about that. "... If I can be the one person in your corner, then that's what I'm going to be."

I'm quiet in response, begging him with my eyes to continue.

"Because I have a feeling that the real Melody Snow is someone very much deserving of my time and attention."

I nod again, letting his words wash over me. He sees something in me that I'm not even sure I see in myself - potential.

But maybe that's exactly what I need - someone to believe in me while I learn to believe in myself.