Page 49 of Shatter

I shrug. Because, well, yeah.

The silence is stifling. Out of my peripheral I can see both of them watching me expectantly, but I don't know what they want me to say.

I shake my head. I haven't even really pieced together my own thoughts on it, so how can I articulate them for my friends?

"She could have anyone in the world. She could be with a younger, richer, more handsome man. She could be with a prince for fucks' sake. I'm just temporary. Any port in a storm, right?" I wince, because even that analogy pales in comparison to what we are. The fact of the matter is that we're in this limbo. She's gone through so much in the last week that all I want to be is someplace she can relax, and explore, and finally start to live as Melody Snow, not Athena's daughter.

We shouldn't even be entertaining an idea that this could become more. Even that feels like me placing my expectations on her shoulders the same way her mother did. And I refuse to do that to her.

More silence; and suddenly my suit feels two sizes too small.

I sigh, knowing that I'm explaining myself poorly. I don't have low self-esteem. I'm just also a realist, who knows she came to me because she had no one else. Once she gets on her own two feet, there's nothing and nobody she can't have.

So, I try again. "She needs someone who will protect her when she needs it, but then get the hell out of her way when she doesn't. Someone she can fight with when she needs a fight. Someone who won't react or take it personally. She needs someone who will put her health and happiness above his own."

She deserves someone who can give her the world, or stand back and let her take it her own damn self. Someone who could take off at the drop of a hat and take her all around the Maldives if that's what she woke up one day and decided she wanted.

She deserves someone perfect.

And that's not me. I'm a decade older than her. Scarred. The owner of a sex club. Her uncle.

I can't see a scenario in which any part of me is good enough for her.

When I realize they're both still silent, I look up to two sets of pitying eyes.

"What?"

"Oh. I don't know," Cass starts sarcastically. "She needs someone who... maybe... rescued her when the paparazzi were chasing her? Protected her boyfriend when he didn't have to? Someone who is still protecting her while she figures out how to be a bartender? Has given her a home and shelter and space to flourish? To make mistakes? Has she fought with you?"

Yes.

But I don't say it out loud.

"And you, what? Fought back? Took it personally?"

No.

Every time she's come to me - primal night, Aspen, after her parents showed up - I'd punished her. But not because I wanted to. Because it was what she needed at the time. She needed to lash out and needed to be put back together again. By someone calm and in control. That just happened to be me.

I hate that she's making sense right now.

"Why won't you let yourself be happy?" Cass asks, never one to pull her punches.

"I am happy."

She snorts. "Sure."

"I am!" I insist. I have everything I've ever wanted - a business I love, a family I love, my daily routine that I love. And now a woman in my life who makes me feel things I shouldn't be feeling.

I'm just not naive enough to think this is going to last.

"And when you think about the future?" Daniel prompts, joining in and tag-teaming me.

"It looks a lot like before Mel," I answer, honestly.

"You don't want a happily-ever-after? Kids? Someone to grow old with?" This volley comes from Daniel, who's so disgustingly in love with his wife and kids. And I know he wants that for me, too. He wants to see me disgustingly in love with someone.

I ponder that. Because for most of my life, the answer would be 'no'.