Page 69 of Shatter

I look at the chart, incredulous. The top has my name on it. And poorly written procedural notes. Anesthesia, termination.

All right there.

And then I remember.

A wrap party when I turned fifteen. I remember being on the couch in some producer's house, and feeling sleepy. I remember thinking I should find my mom because something didn't feel right.

I woke up the next morning in my own bed, so I didn't think anything of it. Chalked it up to being sick or tired after working such long hours filming.

Then I remember a doctor's appointment. They told me it was to fill a cavity. But they put me under completely.

I leap off of the exam table and sprint the three feet to the trash can before my breakfast makes a reappearance. The yogurt I had for breakfast is nasty coming up a second time.

It hadn't been a cavity. It had been a baby. I'd been drugged and raped at that party. And my parents knew. How else would I have ended up back in my own bed?

And they did nothing about it.

My skin crawls, breaking out in a cold sweat as I heave again, but nothing comes out. My stomach hurts with the force of the dry-heave.

"I take it you didn't know?"

I shake my head, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.

"I figured. They don't normally perform terminations under general anesthesia when they're early on in gestation."

A plastic cup filled with water appears in my peripheral. I take it gratefully, swishing the water in my mouth and spitting it into the trashcan.

"Do you want to reschedule today's appointment? I'm sure this must be a shock."

I shake my head, more determined than ever to take back control of my body.

She helps me stand as I'm still woozy. I try not to think about it. I can fall apart when I get back home.

I resume my position on the table, shove my feet in the stirrups and disassociate while Dr. Patel verbally walks me through what she's doing. Tears slide down my temples and disappear into my hair.

I'm numb as she finishes the procedure and walks me out. She's warm and reassuring and comforting but I'm floating somewhere above my body.

When I walk back into the condo, and see Harrison standing by the windows on the phone, I lose all composure.

He takes one look at me and hangs up the phone, wrapping me in his arms while I fall apart.

Chapter thirty-six

Harrison

Idon't know what happened this afternoon at her doctor's appointment, but she came back wrecked.

I hold her, breathing in her shampoo, as her tiny body bucks with her sobs. It might be minutes or hours, but eventually her crying slows.

"I hate them," she whispers into my chest, her body vibrating now.

"What happened?" I ask, reaching down to lift her by her thighs and wrap her legs around my waist. I sit on the couch adjusting her on my lap so I can look at her face.

She looks absolutely miserable; distraught. I've never seen her like this. I've seen her angry, sad, detached, still, on the verge of ending it, but this is a level of pain and rage I've never seen on her before.

"I was date raped at a producer's party when I was fifteen."

I really do try to control my reaction, but my body stiffens involuntarily. Rage builds like a thunderstorm in my chest, but I don't allow it to show on my face. This moment isn't about me or my need for revenge; it's about being a safe space for her to process her emotions.