Page 58 of Between Love & Ruin

“No,” she says, and her eyes well up with guilt. I have never seen her look so distraught before. And I hate that look on her face. “It’s just that Mark and I have to once and for all figure out the scope of this thing.”

“Your relationship.”

“Yes,” she nods. “Our relationship. And I don’t think we can do it here. If this is a chapter I’m closing, then I need to be able to close it properly, and that can’t happen here in New York, where I’m already so confused about whatever it is I’m feeling. I don’t want to be labeled or called names. I don’t want to do something that leaves me carrying this guilt for the rest of my life just because I chose what my heart wanted. I would rather not do wrong by anyone, you, me, or Mark.”

She sighs, and I let her continue as I try to come face to face with the reality of her words.

All this time, I kept thinking that it would be easy for her to get rid of Mark since they had no love. Anyone who knows them can tell that. But what I didn’t realize was that they have been together for a long time, and Sienna isn’t the kind of person who does things halfway, and she won’t just throw him out of her life.

I kept myself in this delusional bubble that if I showed her and proved to her that I was worthy of her love, she would come to me.

But in the process I forgot that she would need to do that on her own.

And now that I am face to face with the reality, I am having a hard time even breathing.

“I promise this won’t affect our work. I’ll stay in touch with you and Myra—”

“I don’t care about work, Sienna,” I cut her off, and I hate how sharp my voice comes out. “I care about you.”

“I know.” She takes my hand in hers, and her touch calms down my beating, wailing heart. “I will come back, I promise.”

I walk up to her, and her eyes follow me. I soak in the feeling, knowing this will be the last time I get to have her look at me like this.

She shivers when I cup her face, her eyes widening as a bright shade of pink spreads across her cheeks. The most beautiful sight is right in front of me, and it’s a shame I can’t do anything to keep this moment with me.

“When you come back this time,” I say, my thumb stroking her cheek back and forth. “Come back for me. With an open heart and open arms. I will deal with the rest later.”

I kiss her forehead, and she closes her eyes before I let go of her, for now.

And I can only hope and pray that this isn’t the last time I get to be this close to her.

Sienna Hayes

Ihave never felt my heart shatter into pieces the way it did when I saw the hurt in Dominic’s eyes.

Not when my parents died. Not when my first crush rejected me.

Not even when my relationship with Mark started to fall apart.

But the moment the words “I will be leaving tomorrow” left my mouth, the hurt and guilt that reflected in his eyes shattered my resolve.

The fact that he thought he did something to make me feel uncomfortable hurt me even more because that’s just not the truth. Dominic is the one person I have never felt uncomfortable with. Not even in the beginning when I didn’t know him.

I was guarded, yes, but even that didn’t work under his charm for long.

The way he kissed my forehead felt too right, even when my conscience would call it wrong.

That’s the problem. Being with Dominic doesn’t feel wrong. It feels like an answered prayer wrapped in warm hands and dark eyes.

He didn’t speak much afterward, but he didn’t push me away either. Instead, I caught him stealing glances at me while we worked, and he seemed distracted the entire time. It was more than enough to tell me how hard this news had hit him.

To be honest, I don’t even know how or why a man like Dominic would be interested in me. We are opposites in so many ways. He is so reserved, while once I get comfortable, I can’t stop talking. I’m a nerd in the best way possible, and he does all kinds of things I would never even be able to imagine myself doing.

And he is hot. So hot that, under any other circumstances, I would never even consider the possibility of something happening between us. But here he is, choosing me.

He says he likes me, and I would have never believed it if I didn’t feel the same way myself. He has made me feel seen and cared for in ways Mark never has.

I wasn’t even going to go back to Chicago initially. But I kept thinking of all that Laura and Summer said to me. I kept looking at all the tabloids speaking shit about me, as if Dominic and I were in a relationship and as if being with him was a crime. I kept going over the words that Mark said, and I realized that he wasn’t wrong with his doubts.