Page 8 of Between Love & Ruin

“I will join later, but I won’t let you be alone there for months. It’s either that or you don’t go.”

I turn on my heels and stare at his face. I used to have such a huge crush on his beautiful face. Now, all I feel is…nothing. No feelings at all.

Is that how relationships get after a while in real life?

Sad that I can’t ask anyone because my parents are dead and my uncle and aunt aren’t the best love examples.

“Why do you care about me being alone?” I ask, and I secretly wish that he would say something that would make me feel a little better about us.

“You know I can’t do long distance.”

Of course.

It’s always going to be about him, isn’t it?

“Silly of me to think you cared about me.”

“I do care, Sienna. You just expect some fairytale version of love that doesn’t exist.”

Bullshit. But I don’t say how fake the words sound to me.

Instead, I say.

“I will talk to Aisha and see if we can work something around.”

* * *

Aisha stares at me through the screen, and I can actually read her face without her needing to utter a single word.

When I told her that my boyfriend doesn’t want me to go to NYC without him, she thought I was joking. Until she saw the look on my face and realized that I wasn’t kidding at all.

It was stupid, but it was real. He did have the audacity to assume he had a right to stop me from going anywhere.

“But that is absurd, Sienna. This tour is important for your career. You are already so loved by the readers. You showing up would only heighten it for you. Besides, everything is booked and ready. We can’t cancel it just now. It would have been possible if you had a legitimate reason. This is not one of those, and you know it.”

I know what she is saying is all true, but how shall I make her understand that the man I am living with has an ego bigger than his height?

“I know, Aisha. I am so exhausted. I have been working my ass off to make this tour amazing with you. I have looked forward to it this whole year, but now this makes me question everything.”

Her eyes soften, and I think she thinks I am talking about this tour. But in reality I am just exhausted from the life I am currently living.

Growing up, I had a very specific picture of what my life would look like. It wasn’t lavish, but it was filled with warmth—a cozy house, a man who loved me wholeheartedly, an overflowing library, and a dog.

It was always meant to be like that. But after meeting Mark, I thought, ‘Why not give the life he wanted a chance?’ For some time I didn’t regret it.

Not until recently.

“Sienna, you know we gave him an option to tag along, but he didn’t want to.” Aisha’s voice brings me out of my thoughts, and I focus on her stressed face in front of me. I hate that I am putting her through this because she has been a pillar of support in my rising career, and I am truly very grateful to have met her.

“I am sorry if I am overstepping, but he doesn’t deserve you. You deserve the kind of love you write about. I mean, the kind of men you write about is amazing. I would love to have one.”

That makes me laugh because I have heard that too many times. My readers keeps saying that, and my cousins, who are truly the only friends I have at the moment due to my unwillingness to socialize, have said the same thing. And I have believed the same thing too.

I kept writing such stories way before in hopes that I could somehow manifest that love into my reality.

“What we can do is book a ticket for him; if he cares to join, then good. If not, then you will still be on tour, and he won’t be able to do anything about it. Tell him he can join later whenever he is free. We are going to be there for some time, after all.”

I bite my nail, pondering over her suggestion. As much as I don’t want him to come and ruin it for me, I also want him to see that I am worth it, that I made a career on my own.