Page 102 of Summer in Greece

Matron escorted us to the Grand Hotel in Portsmouth where they would question us about our Britannic experience.

‘Do you know, Gertie, I hardly remember anything from before the rescue,’ Josephine said to me in front of Merriberry. She turned to Matron. ‘Is that normal, do you think, Matron?’

‘Absolutely. Even I cannot remember the minutes before we struck the mine . . . if that was indeed what happened. Some say we were torpedoed.’ She stared pointedly at me, her face creased with worry-lines, and in a moment of panic I began to wonder if she knew what I had done. ‘However, I was in the mess eating brown bread and jam. I remember that clearly.’ She turned to me. ‘Smith, do you remember eating brown bread and jam for breakfast in the mess that morning?’

‘I do, Matron. Clear as day.’

‘And do you remember anything about the portholes in the ward, Smith?’

‘It’s a blank, Matron. I went straight to my cabin and gathered my belongings, as you instructed, but I took too long because I went back to get something I’d forgotten. You chastised me, as I recall, because we missed our lifeboat. Nevertheless, they made room for us on Lifeboat 2, Matron. I fell from the boat and almost drowned, but later, when I was back in the boat, I spotted Corporal Perkins unconscious in the sea. I pointed him out and he was rescued.’

She nodded. ‘Good, that will do. You realise you saved his life? Don’t forget to tell them about the blood transfusion. Another few minutes and his heart would have failed. Also, I’m reminded that inadvertently you saved our lives by causing us to miss that first lifeboat.’

I made a little nod. A great weight lifted from my shoulders, so suddenly I almost lost balance. Tears sprung to my eyes, which Matron, who never missed a thing, noticed. ‘It will be all right, Smith, and the sooner this is dealt with, the sooner we can get back to our jobs. The past only has one purpose: to teach us not to make the same mistakes again.’

I wanted to turn and run away – flee from everything. The air around me was filled with my panic, my mouth wouldn’t work, my brain was so confuddled that even my eyes wouldn’t focus. Matron placed her hands on my shoulders, keeping me still while she stared into my face.

‘Let me repeat that, Smith. The important thing to remember is: what has already happened, cannot be changed. However, the future can. We must strive to be the best people, the best example of prudence possible, in all things, from this moment on. Try to remember that, every day, on your walk through life, Miss Smith.’

I couldn’t help myself; I leapt forward, flung my arms around her and gave her such a hug. ‘I will, I promise I will. Thank you, Matron, thank you!’ I gasped.

‘Decorum, Miss Smith,’ she whispered. ‘Now, off to your hotel for an early night, then the inquiry tomorrow. I’ll see you there, don’t be late.’

*

I hoped with all my heart Father would come to Portsmouth. As soon as we got to our third-class room in the Sea Shanty Hotel, I posted three letters to Manno, and organised a telegram to my parents:

In Portsmouth for Britannic inq. on 14th. Hope home soon. Gertie.

*

The morning I’d dreaded had arrived and even my most fervent prayers would not stop the day progressing. Everyone’s future depended on my answers in the inquiry. I had to think before I spoke, and lie convincingly for the sake of those on whom this country depended. Too many lives were destined to be lost because of HMHS Britannic’s sinking, but many more sick or wounded would perish if the Britannic’s senior medical staff lost their jobs because of my actions. They would be held responsible, I knew that.

However, I couldn’t think straight, and my hands were trembling. In the mirror, I saw dark circles under my eyes and thought I looked half dead already. What was the penalty for lying under oath to a British Naval Tribunal? Probably death.

‘I’m so afraid,’ I whispered at breakfast.

‘Why should you be afraid if you don’t remember anything?’ Josephine said firmly.

It became apparent they were all playing the same game, to protect me. I owed them so much. At the town hall, we sat in a corridor and waited, my hands spread on my knees like pale, wasted starfish. Merriberry joined us. She peered into my eyes and said, ‘Remember the blood transfusion, Smith. It’s important.’

She was called into the room where they held the inquiry. There must have been another exit because she never reappeared.

Josephine and I sat in silence although my stomach made terrible gurgling noises.

‘You don’t remember anything then, do you?’ she whispered when the silence became unbearable. ‘Only what you had for breakfast, and giving blood to the dying soldier, right?’

I shook my head. ‘Not a thing.’ Even as I said it, I wanted to confess. But Josephine, Matron, Staff Nurse, and perhaps even the Ship’s Medical Officer might all lose their jobs in disgrace for leaving a trainee in charge of the ward. If I could take the entire blame, then I would, but I could not drop those who had placed their trust in me, in the mire.

‘That’s the spirit. Not surprising after all we’ve been through.’

*

I heard distant talking, then footsteps on the parquet floor. Two figures came around the corner, a man, and a woman. The woman was Matron Merriberry, and a moment passed before I realised the other was my father. My heart pounded with relief. I leapt to my feet, about to rush into his arms, when Josephine placed a hand on my arm.

‘Steady now. We’ve got nothing to get upset about, have we?’ A man stuck his head out and called Josephine into the inquiry. ‘You can’t remember,’ she said quietly one last time before leaving me.

I nodded, stood, and smiled as Merriberry and my papa approached. ‘Hello, Father,’ I said. Though the corners of his mouth twitched upward, he appeared tired. ‘Thank you for coming to meet me.’ I kissed his cheek. His dull eyes crinkled as he smiled.