Page 93 of Summer in Greece

‘It can’t be that bad, Gertie, tell me,’ she said quite matter-of-factly. ‘Do you have bad news from home?’

‘Swear you’ll never tell?’

She nodded.

‘It was me that opened the portholes!’

‘You! Dear Jesus in Heaven, you?’ She stared at me. ‘You shouldn’t have told me. Now what am I supposed to do? If they ask me questions, I can’t lie.’

‘Do you think they’ll hang me? Perkins and the other patients bullied me – over and over – to open them for ten minutes, to let the bedpan stink out. Ward sister told me to use my initiative, you see; so in the end I did.’ I tumbled on. ‘I should never have lied about my age, but with my poor sister and brother both dead because of the war, I wanted to fight for England on their behalf, do you understand? Now I’m so terribly sorry and I don’t know which way to turn.’

‘Stop! You lied about your age, and nobody checked? Shame on them.’

I shook my head. ‘I’d done really well in training, Matron said so. How was I to know we’d hit a mine or a torpedo a few minutes after I’d opened the portholes?’

‘So how old are you?’

‘Eighteen. Nearly nineteen.’

‘Eighteen, and you’ve had people’s lives in your hands, and taken part in the surgery? Oh, my dear lord!’

‘The only people that know it was me, as far as I can guess, are you and Perkins, and I believe he’s forgotten. I think he lost part of his memory when he was hit on the head.’

Now I’d made matters worse. How could I stop Josephine telling the inquiry panel it was me?

*

We boarded the Gabriel and proceeded to our quarters, a small cabin with four bunks, but thankfully we had the place to ourselves.

Josephine was silent, clearly deep in thought, while we organised our belongings. An orderly arrived with two fresh nurse’s uniforms.

‘Leave your clothes on the floor and I’ll collect them while you eat and get them laundered for morning,’ he said, avoiding our eyes. ‘The Captain requests your company at dinner. I’ll be here to escort you just before twenty hundred hours, ladies.’

‘For goodness’ sake, don’t mention the portholes, the Britannic, or anything,’ Josephine said with a tremble of panic in her voice. ‘In fact, make yourself forget everything that happened before the dolphin, all right? Then you have a solid answer when you’re interrogated. From this moment, I am also going to forget you ever told me. Do you understand?’

‘Interrogated? Do you think they’ll apply the thumbscrews or give me electric shock treatment to make me talk?’ Sweat prickled my forehead. ‘I am not a brave person, Josephine. Just the suggestion of pain and I’ll be a quivering idiot with a mouth that won’t shut.’

‘Just stop that nonsense right now! You, Gertie, are a very brave person, one of the bravest I know! You have dealt with trauma and terrible injuries. You’ve stitched up horrific wounds, walked across a room with an amputated leg in your arms, soothed dying men, and calmed the hysterical. Don’t tell me you can’t cope with this! The past can’t be changed. Now let’s get on with our lives and try to make the world a better place for the future.’

I threw my arms around her neck as if she were my very own Sissy. ‘Thank you, Josephine. I’m sorry I told you, but it’s been terribly lonely keeping it inside. I would confess, but my poor parents, my father’s a doctor, they would have a terrible time of it. I’m filled with remorse, I deserve to be punished . . . but my parents don’t. This is not their fault.’

‘Like I said, we can’t change the past, so let’s forget it now, and promise me you’ll never mention it again.’

‘I’ll try my best.’

‘That’s not good enough. I repeat myself: promise me you’ll never mention it again.’

‘I promise.’

‘Good. Let’s see what our captain says this evening. You could practise looking gay and carefree because you’re going home and have nothing to worry about. That’s what they would expect from us mere women.’

*

There was nothing remarkable about eating at the Captain’s table, except we had slightly better food, and a wonderful jam suet pudding. We learned that the ship would call at Syros to fill her water tanks. When Josephine and I retired, we enjoyed simple pleasures; to lie on clean sheets, and to wear clean undergarments.

I wondered again about what might happen in England. How could I answer questions convincingly without lying? I had done a terrible wrong, too terrible to contemplate, and because of it, many people had died. Should I confess, lie, run away? Or claim amnesia as Josephine insisted.

My thoughts went to the island of Syros. Would Manno arrive with the mail boat from Kea while we were there? I closed my eyes and pressed my hand against my chest, how I longed to be in his arms. All my worries disappeared when I thought about Manno and the tenderness of his kiss.