Page 127 of Mommy

“I was going to adopt Posie today. So that she is officially mine. I couldn’t keep fostering her. Even if Shelly might have allowed me to go through with the plan without the adoption part, I couldn’t. Looks like you were right about one thing: this is her home.” Derek looks at Posie, sleeping peacefully in her crate and there’s a hauntingly sad smile on his lips.

He is trying to distract me from my question. I know it, and yet it takes all my willpower to not let him go on about how he loves her and how she belongs here.

“Derek.” My voice barely breaks the silence, but his gaze still finally finds me. “When is it?”

“Tomorrow.” The croaked answer is filled with concern. And I’m not sure if it’s there because of me, or Posie.

I could pin this on me, tell myself he expects another fight because of this answer, but that doesn’t feel like enough. Something about the way his tongue quivers forming the word tells me that this concern is tied to the dog fast asleep a few feet away.

The way he watches her is enough to reassure me that everything will be fine. If Derek chooses to do this, I will put my faith in him. I trust him. I have to.

Over all the time we spent living together, not once has he made me question my safety or my health. Or Posies. Or the puppies.

He is going to keep us safe, I need to know that, and deep down in my heart, I think I even believe it.

Derek wouldn’t risk Posie if he wasn’t sure it would be fine.

And no matter how anxious it makes me to think that by tomorrow he will tie her to a park bench and leave her, I have to believe that she’ll be back in my arms only a few hours later.

Even if I know that a few hours is a lifetime to a dog, especially a scared one.

Chapter sixty four

Derek

It still feels surreal to have her back here. Maybe it’s because there are so many unspoken words hovering between us, making the air feel thick even with a gentle breeze coming in from the cracked window.

The wind combs through Ivy’s hair, brushing those chaos curls from her face and I can see her baby blue eyes.

Beautiful.

She hasn’t lost weight, not one pound. I actually made her step onto the scale just to put my mind at ease.

If I had been drawn to her before, it’s nothing compared to the way it feels now. Every time she moves, I try to beat her to it and do whatever it was she needed. Tea? Already made you some. You want a blanket? Don’t get up, I got it. You’re tired? I literally carried her upstairs.

If Ezekiel saw me like this he would declare me insane. I think I finally understand what it’s like for him to be around Rosemary.

“What’s on your mind?”

“That I want to carry the weight of the world for you.” The honesty has made its way past my lips before I can stop it, but the words draw a blush on Ivory’s cheeks pretty enough to not make me regret them.

The shy smile and the dim moonlight on her porcelain skin turn her into a goddess before me. One I’d gladly get on my knees and pray for.

“Get over here.” I demand, but my voice fails me and the words come out so breathless it sounds like a plea in my ears.

I got to bed first and lay sprawled on the king sized mattress in nothing but my boxers.

The shirt swishes around Ivory’s figure, the hem just barely covering her most intimate parts.

Scooting into the middle of the huge bed, I beckon her closer with one finger.

I want her on top of me. I want her to take whatever she needs from me, because that’s all I can offer her. The words I should be saying are nowhere to be found, they must have gotten lost in the whirlwind of emotions I felt when I laid eyes on her today.

Uncertain steps bring her close enough for me to grab hold of her. My hands gather her curving hips and guide her body until she straddles my stomach.

“Up or down?” The question is a rasp in my throat.

She needs to make that choice, because I can’t. I’d be like that Greek man that’s trapped between food and water and dies because he can’t make up his mind of what to consume first.