Page 35 of Mommy

Chapter twenty

Ivory

Laughing, I help myself to another generous serving of dinner.

You can say a lot about Derek, but he can definitely cook. The shit eating grin on his lips as he watches me, says he knows that.

The mashed potato on top of some ground beef, tomato sauce and peas are already great, but drizzling the whole thing with cheese and popping it into the oven? That’s what makes this meal a 10/10.

“How was work today?”

I shrug, grabbing my spoon.

“All good. Except I’m a little heartbroken.”

It’s easier to admit it now. That my heart breaks and mends itself over Vivid’s news. It’s easier to allow myself to be heartbroken when I’m pretending that everything else is all right and there are no other problems in my life. The alarm on Derek’s face really puts it in perspective.

“The dog you saw me with today. The white one,” I start to explain. “Her name is Viv and I’ve taken care of her ever since she arrived at the shelter with her pups.”

Back then, she was scared. Protecting her pups with a growling chest and raised fur on her back. Teeth bared and eyes terrified.

“Did something happen to her?”

Taking a deep breath, I straighten in my chair. Spoon rummaging through the food on my plate, I focus on the cheese strings dragging longer and longer instead of looking up at Derek.

“She got adopted.”

“And that’s… not good?” The confusion is audible.

“It is, but—” I’ll have to give her up.

The words don’t make it over my lips.

“Is that not what you were hoping for? I thought that was the point of an animal shelter? Dogs getting adopted into good homes?”

He’s right. I know he is, and I nod along as he speaks.

“What is it then?”

For a moment I think about my answer, and then I sigh, slumping back against the chair.

“Even if I want her to have a home, that ultimately means that I will quite possibly never see her again. It means she’s moving out of the shelter—and don’t get me wrong, I love that for her— but…I will still be at the shelter without her.”

Blinking away the tears, I push down the question rising to the front of my mind.

What about the next time I want to curl up next to a dog when my home feels like a ruin?

Viv won’t be there to let me cry my tears in her fur.

“Didn’t you expect that she would get adopted? I would’ve thought she’d get adopted like that.” He snaps his fingers to emphasize his words.

“That’d be something, huh?” A sad laugh drips from my lips and I shake my head.

Derek looks at me, cocking his head to the side and pulling his eyebrows together as if he’s confused.

“The moms rarely get adopted. Everyone wants to adopt a perfect little puppy. The moms get left behind and many of them die in the shelters after giving birth to their babies.” The words taste like ash in my mouth, not even anger being able to mask how terribly heavy the explanation sits on my soul.

I’m so thankful that Viv won’t have to suffer through that same fate; she gets a family that’ll love her. I just didn’t expect it. Part of me thought I could keep her with me forever. And even if that’s a selfish thought, when Liam told me about her adoption today, I felt my heart crack with pain.