Page 73 of Let the Light Shine Through

An immeasurable amount of time passes where we remain silent, neither of us willing to expand on that statement.

Strength. I could use some right now because what a fucking line. Not even operating at full capacity, Roz is more formidable than most people firing on all cylinders.

“Can you love me forever, baby?” Can I? I would…if I could. If it were up to me, I totally fucking would because Roz makes it easy.

Easy to love, but not easy to walk away from.

I break the silence first, nodding and staring off to tell him, “You’re not the first person to want seconds from me, you know? You should put this kind of energy toward a girl that’ll actually sleep with you more than once. This,” I lift the food, looking over at him, “won’t get you between my thighs again.”

“If all I wanted was to be between your thighs, I’d drop to my knees and bury my face in your pussy until one of us passed out.”

I’m blushing, swaying, and now my underwear’s soaked. This day’s off to a great start.

“I want in,” Roz continues, gently gripping my wrists and pulling me to him as I struggle to keep hold of both the bags and my sanity. “I want in that pretty head of yours.” His eyes gloss over every inch of my face, then he drops his voice. “I want in… I want in, Gia.”

My own voice comes out low and throaty to say, “You’re a Tit.”

“What does—”

“A Tufted Titmouse. They’re these little gray birds that cling to outdoor walls and windows, pecking. A lot of people think they’re looking for a way in, but really, they’re just searching for wasp nests. You know, a snack to hold them over.”

“I’m not interested in a snack. I want where nobody else has ever been.”

“So…anal?”

“Oh, Gia,” he mocks my previous words, “your sense of humor really does suck.”

And because it’s not even remotely funny, I burst out laughing.

What the fuck are we doing? What the fuck am I doing?

“Okay, cowboy.” I remove myself from his hold, my skin instantly chilled from the loss. “That’s enough. We need to get on the road.” Before I do something dumb. Monumentally dumb.

We get my Raptor loaded into the back of Roz’s truck, then I tie her up tighter than a Thanksgiving turkey while Roz gets the cab situated with the rest of our shit. I only packed a duffle bag, and it looks like Roz did as well, except he’s also got several grocery bags full of food.

I shake my head, finishing with the last strap.

Why I feel the need to constantly open his eyes to what life has to offer, I don’t know. Every time I see him, it’s easy to picture him sitting in his room, all alone, feeling…sorry for himself? Is he feeling? That’s just it. I don’t know what Roz is doing. Roz doesn’t even know what he’s doing. He’s just…here. Barely. He’s not living, not fully, but I think he wants to. He’s so hard up for something, anything, he’s even willing to stalk me at Al’s every night just to have a few minutes of not feeling so lonely.

I think the desire is there, just not the drive. There’s nothing pushing Roz to live again, except me.

He needs to get outside. He needs to remember just how formidable he used to be. Some fresh air, comradery, an adrenaline rush that has nothing to do with snowboarding—Roz needs it all. He deserves even more, but this is all I’m able to offer him. All I’m able to offer anybody.

We eventually get on the road, making a quick stop at a convenience store for some coffee to go along with our pastries, but when Roz keeps checking me out, I roll my eyes at him, leaning my head against the window to see him better. He looks happy. As close to happy as I’ve seen him.

Keeping his left hand on the wheel—it’s still got the pink and purple bracelet from Iris, and every time I see it, I get stupid happy—his right tugs on the pants I’m wearing, telling me, “I like seeing you in my clothes.”

I saved all my regular riding gear for later, so I’m currently rocking the pants I first lifted from Roz’s room.

His lips split into a smirk. “I’d like seeing you out of them better.”

I bend a knee, planting my foot on the leather seat and cursing myself for changing my underwear before we left. What was the point? Everything about Roz makes me drip for him.

“I don’t do repeats,” I say more for my sake than his, but he needs to hear it, too. Probably many more times. He’s…demanding, and each time he is, I’m finding it harder and harder to resist him.

“Three orgasms in one go is hard to turn down.” He removes his hand, lifting it to his jaw to rub the soft scruff cockily.

“I guess,” I tell him. “My own personal record is seven but that was by myself.” Once I got a girl to come five times in one night by using a sucking vibe on her clit and that was pretty amazing, too. She’s also the one that keyed my truck though, so maybe that wasn’t such a good idea.