Page 161 of The Comedown

Guilt burns the back of my throat, and my eyes fall to the liquor in her hold. I lick my bottom lip, brushing my dolphin bite piercings with the tip of my flattened tongue.

“You’re trying to hurt me!” she’d screamed when I was drinking away my own emotions, just like I want to do now. Just like she’s doing now.

I lift my gaze to hers.

Punishment. That’s exactly what this feels like—watching the person you love not only suffering but pretending like they’re not by seeking relief in the bottom of a glass. Fuck is it familiar, yet somehow hurts even worse than when my mom did it.

Collette raises her eyebrows in her own dare, and since I’ve been itching for a fight, I shoot to the other side of the bus, pulling the bottle from her grasp.

“And I thought queens were supposed to be stronger than kings,” I say as I bring the liquor up to her mouth.

She takes the hint, parting her lips to accept a quick pour, but before she can close them to swallow, I crush my mouth to hers, sucking the liquid into mine instead.

I can hurt myself by drinking too much all day long. She can’t. Not when I’m around. I’d rather swallow her pain whole before she can even get a sip. Whatever it takes to spare her suffering because that I can’t stomach.

Keeping her close, I table the bottle.

“I’m sick of being strong,” she whispers, her eyes fluttering. “I want to fall.” Through her lashes, she glances back up at me, and says, “Fall with me.”

My head’s already shaking as I say, “Way ahead of you.”

Then I remember something else Collette said to me. “You’re not in a position to catch me, Julian.”

I wasn’t then. I’m not now either, but I’m not about to let that stop me from trying.

“How about I catch you instead?” I offer, trailing my hands down to hers.

We stare at each other, the two of us caught in our own world, then I pull her after me, not waiting for an answer because there really isn’t one. This isn’t Collette, and I have no intention of letting it become Collette. I’ve inserted myself into her life but haven’t even considered letting her into mine. And I never fucking will.

“What will we do?” she asks once we’re outside.

“First, we gotta sober you up.”

After that? No clue, but my freestyle game got me this far.

Collette

I groan, the bright lights standing out against the dark of night practically burning my eyes. Technically everything’s burning my eyes right now. I just want to close them for the night already. For the week. No, for the next two weeks. Then I can wake up, have Holter back, and forget any of this ever happened.

But even I know that’s not possible. If it weren’t for Julian showing up, I could’ve maybe forgotten about today. At least for a little while. That’s all I wanted. To forget. To not feel all of this. My body aches from the blows Bodee delivered, and he didn’t even have to touch me to land them with perfect precision.

“Pancakes?” I ask, but Julian shakes his head, fighting a smirk that makes me change my mind about wanting to sleep. I want to kiss him. One kiss…that never, ever ends.

“Not pancakes,” he says out of the side of his mouth as he guides me through the swinging door. “We’re here for crepes.”

My eyes fly to his as he checks his watch.

“Crepes?”

“Aw, fuck it. By the time we get ’em, it’ll be after midnight,” he says almost to himself. Then to me, he grins, saying, “Sunday morning crepes.”

Everything gets blurry, even the waitress that jams a couple of menus against Julian’s chest, telling us to sit wherever we want.

“How’d you find this place?” I ask as he leads me to a corner booth.

I think it’s in the corner. I can barely see right now. It’s really bright in here and my eyes are swimming.

“GPS,” he says, laughing.