Page 190 of The Comedown

“Because I’m going on another tour?”

“Because you’ll always be on another tour!”

“And you’ll always be wasted!” I scream back, my chest hurting so bad I think it might actually burst.

“Exactly.” His head falls to hang limply at his chest. “I’m a crack in your armor. I thought only Holter held that honor, but…” Two of his fingers lift half-crooked. “I do, too.”

“What are you talking about? What fucking armor? I told you, there’s nothing left. Tonight—”

“Nobody knew who I was talking about. I was careful not to use your name.”

Christ. That was the only thing he was careful about.

“You really haven’t been online at all, have you? It’s everywhere.”

He meets my eyes through long lashes. “What is?”

“Bodee’s confession!”

Julian’s quiet for a minute, and I can see his brain working to sift through the sewage he’s been dumping in it the last few hours to make what he did feel justified, to make what he’s doing feel justified.

“Bodee didn’t say shit.”

All I can handle is a headshake.

He frowns, still sifting. “Did he?”

My head feels detached from the rest of my body at this point, it’s moving so fast.

“What the fuck did he say? To who?”

“Who do you think? To me! What you started, Julian… You opened a can of worms, then walked away before dealing with the mess.”

“Walked away? Collette, I was dragged away in handcuffs. I was arrested!”

“For your own actions! The ones you chose to do alone, without telling me.”

“I had to! It was the only fucking way!”

“Way for what?”

“For you to be free!”

I startle from the intensity in his tone and expression.

“Free of Bodee? Or free of you?”

His swallow echoes throughout the room.

“Both.”

“You don’t get to make that choice for me,” I say, my voice breaking, my resolve right along with it.

Watching me, Julian’s eyes fill with tears, and one slips out, rolling down his cheek before he turns to look away.

Julian looks away. He looks away. After all that, he just looks away.

“Someone needed to. I’m a liability. Bodee and I both were.”