Page 196 of The Comedown

The three of us stroll through the ballroom, stopping to make introductions along the way, until it’s time to make opening announcements, then we drop Kim-ly off at a table.

Fearless, David beelines toward the staircase leading to the stage, and I have to pull him to a stop.

“What?” he asks, clueless to this side of the business.

I smile, telling him, “Usually we go around from behind, through the backstage.” I point at the stage. “That way the curtains can open to us.”

Trapping my arm between his elbow and ribs, he leads me up the staircase anyway, saying, “This way’s quicker.”

I can’t help but laugh, shaking my head on our way to the center of the stage. His first time in the spotlight and he’s already shaking things up.

We greet the room, introducing ourselves as well as the charity we started together. It’s my first time being onstage with someone other than Julian since The Mousais, and to be honest, I don’t really like it. It feels clunky and unnatural. I’ve been onstage with many, many other performers, but never formed a connection with any of them like I did with Julian. We became in sync with each other in a way most bands that have been performing together for years can’t even achieve. We weren’t just together, we were one.

The longer I stand up here, beside David, the more uncomfortable I get, and I wonder if I would’ve even been able to pull off another tour without Julian. He told me before that he only wanted to tour with me, and now I finally understand what he meant. It doesn’t feel right without him. I don’t feel right without him.

“Next up, how about an original song by Collette?” David says after we run out of awards and certificates to give.

“Me?” I question into my mic while my other hand hides inside one of my pockets at my hip, fidgeting, because I didn’t know I was singing.

I drop my mic by my side, murmuring between unmoving lips, “I thought you took care of the entertainment.”

“I did.”

I tilt my head at him, frowning. “But—”

Behind the curtains, someone starts drumming.

I shoot a look down below, finding Tanya with her phone up like she’s recording. Next to her is Kim-ly, who’s crying.

“Thanks, David, I got it from here.”

My heart stops at the voice. Fucking stops.

It’s his voice. His voice. Here. Now.

The curtains open to reveal Axel at the drums, keeping a steady beat, and Julian sitting on a stool, cradling a guitar while speaking into the microphone.

Our eyes find each other’s instantly, like magnets slamming together in an explosion.

Every person in the room rises, clapping. It’s been months since Julian’s even been seen in public, let alone put out any new music, and it’s clear I’m not the only one affected by the sight of him.

“Thank you. Now, if it’s all right with Collette, Imma go ahead and do one of the songs she wrote.” His lips form a smirk. “With a spin to it, of course.”

I run my gaze over him, taking him in, but my eyes betray me by filling with water. The parts I do manage to make out before my vision blurs look good though. Really, really good. Julian’s put on some weight and his eyes are clear. He’s got an ear-to-ear smile that radiates that charm of his I’ve always admired. He looks happy, healthy.

“What do you say, Poohbear?”

My smile matches his, and I nod.

Julian’s fingers start strumming, and he croons into the mic, the whole time keeping my eye like we’re the only people in the room. The only people in the world.

Hearing him sing the song I wrote for Holter, the one I sang at the children’s hospital, brings even more tears to my eyes, so I quickly wipe at them. How does he remember all the lyrics? I sang it once and we never talked about it again.

This song, it’s about the all-consuming love you have for someone else, someone you’ve never met, but the second they enter your life, you feel like you’ve waited forever to know them. There’s no link between you and this other person, then suddenly there is and it’s strong. So strong not even death could break it. I felt it the moment I laid eyes on my son.

Is that what Julian’s trying to tell me by singing this particular song? That he feels that way about me?

Please don’t let this be a tease. I can’t walk away from him again. My heart couldn’t handle it.