Page 56 of The Comedown

“See?”

But that doesn’t mean I didn’t want to. I would’ve gone on dates, if I could. I just didn’t have the money to. Plus, I had a lot of other shit going on during that time in my life. I’m not telling that sob story to Collette though. Instead, I say, “Don’t take it personal. That’s what we do. We push away from our moms to make room for our girls.”

“Is that what you did?”

“Yeah,” I lie through the pain in my throat, chest, and stomach. The truth is I never even got the chance to push my mom away. She was already gone before I made it to my teens.

“What are we going to do about paparazzi?”

“Ignore them?” That’s what I usually do. Unless I’m forced not to.

She scowls at me.

It was worth a shot.

“My name’s on the reservations, so I’ll go in the front while Bare takes you and Holter in through the back. That cool?” If anyone can make a scene, it’s me.

Nodding absently, her bottom lip trembles, and with no makeup on and her short blonde hair on full display, she looks like a completely different person than the one I was just onstage with. Out there, she was a storm, affecting everything in her path. Now, she’s the aftermath. A mortal mess. The most perfect one I’ve ever laid eyes on.

Without thinking it through, I pull her to me for a hug, and because I must be the luckiest motherfucker on the planet today, she actually lets me, relaxing her body against mine. I drop my chin to the top of her head, inhaling until my lungs sting.

Hugs, man…who fucking knew?

My text alert breaks the silence, the moment, and my fucking patience all at once.

“Shit. I need to get ready,” Collette says, pushing away from me.

Fucking phone. If I ever get the chance to hug her again, I’m smashing my phone first, swear to God.

“Ayo?”

Collette freezes, her gaze locked on her hand holding the doorknob.

“Don’t do too much.”

“Yeah, I heard you. We leave in twenty.”

“I don’t give a shit about the time, Collette. I just…I want you exactly the way you are,” I repeat, meaning it as much as I did the first time.

“You’re high. You don’t know what you’re saying.”

She thinks I’m still high from earlier. She has no idea my high right now has nothing to do with the drugs I took before the show and everything to do with her.

“Don’t be sneaking any of that baby food shit in your purse either,” I tell her. “You’re fucking eatin’ tonight.”

She shakes her head, but I catch a hint of a grin before she escapes back into her dressing room.

I don’t leave right away, choosing to stay and listen to the sounds coming from the other side of the door, committing it to memory, all of it, every second, even our performance tonight, from Collette straddling me in that rickety-ass chair to right now, hearing her and her family joke with each other again.

Duckin’ and dodgin’ ain’t enough to curb this greed,

plain as day, it’s straight taking over me.

Still carrying the stench from growing up poor,

now I’m paying to slip right past locked doors.

Best watch out, Collette,