Page 79 of The Comedown

“You’re my client. My job is to look out for you, not some bitch and the pup she doesn’t even bother protecting herself.”

My fist collides with the left side of Slade’s nose, making his face whip sideways and blood splatter on the darkening ground. After only a brief hesitation, Axel sees himself the fuck out of my way without me having to say a word ’cause he already knows.

I don’t particularly care what the fuck goes on around me or who’s involved, but I’ll be goddamned if I’m gonna let anybody talk shit on Collette or her boy.

She doesn’t bother protecting Holter? Shit, I got a scab on my back that says differently. I know Collette’s got her boy’s best interest in mind, and I’m sure they’ve got this shit down by now, but that doesn’t change the fact that I want to make sure she’s taken care of. Her and the son she loves more than anything. Hell, after spending the last week around Holter, I even like the kid, too, and as long as I have the means to ensure he’s protected outside of his mother’s care, I motherfucking will, and fuck anyone who tries to get in my way, including this bitch-ass in front of me.

I grab a fistful of Slade’s greasy hair, lifting his head to look him in the eye. “You got a long leash. Have for a long time, too.” I squeeze the hair near the scalp, making him hiss. “As of now consider that shit shortened. Collette and Holter? You keep their names out your fucking mouth and your path from crossing theirs. Got it?”

After Slade jerks out a nod, I look at Axel, telling him, “That goes for both of you.”

“Are you serious?” Axel sputters. “I was just trying to help.”

Was he just trying to help when he offered to show Collette his cock? I think the fuck not.

“That’s not your place either,” I say, releasing Slade’s hair, then standing up straight to wipe my palm on my jeans. Fucking oily prick.

“How is it yours?”

Axel’s right. It’s not my place. They’re not mine to care about any more than they’re his, but that hasn’t fucking stopped me from caring anyway. I don’t let myself love anyone anymore, but when I find someone worth caring about, I let my care run like water torture—once it starts, it never lets up.

Fuck if I’m gonna tell him that though.

“Are you fucking her?” Slade accuses, and this fucker must have a death wish because I’m about to—

“Not yet he hasn’t,” Axel says. “He would’ve moved on already.”

First, they mistake me for a comedian with all this “Are you kidding?” and “Are you serious?” bullshit, and now they’re confusing me with Bodee fucking Keys moving on from The Collette.

I mean, yeah, I wanted to fuck Collette. Want to, because I still want to fuck her. Goddamn do I want to. But today I fucked up any chance of that ever happening. I fucked up a lot today. And the days leading up to it.

I’m a master at making bad decisions.

Even if by some miracle-on-earth type shit Collette actually did let me fuck her, would I really move on afterward like usual? Could I? That’d put a stop to all the time I spend over on her bus with her and her family—the family I was just starting to feel like I might fit in with, even if it’s as the inappropriate uncle who doesn’t say much other than curses that make the room squirm, but is content sitting in the corner anyway, watching everyone else interact because it’s the only family he’s ever wanted a place in.

The gravity of that scenario sits like a lead weight in my stomach, and if I wasn’t on land right now, I’d sink to the bottom of the fucking ocean.

Doesn’t matter. Collette would never let me be anything to her. I thought maybe…maybe. But if I’m being honest, I’m not so sure. Not anymore. Especially not after today. She could hate me for real now—easily. I flipped her off as a goodbye which might’ve been our goodbye now that I replay it in my head.

I flipped her off as a goodbye.

The knot in my stomach grows even heavier, and I glance down at my feet to make sure they’re still firmly on the ground, not sinking below the surface.

Maybe I should disappear somewhere deep where I’ll never be found.

I thought I already had, then Collette arrived and brought me back to life. Or whatever this is. In purgatory I knew what I was getting—the same day on motherfucking repeat. This though…I don’t know what the fuck’s going on. It’s both heaven and hell. Heaven’s within reach, she’s just not in my reach.

“Where was Bare when you called him?” I ask Slade instead. I don’t have to answer to these dickheads. I can’t even answer to myself.

“Some Hollywood gated community. Security made Bare sit outside the gates while Hol—”

I tilt my head at him, prepping my fist, and eyeing his jaw this time.

“The kid visited a friend somewhere inside them.”

“Was Mary with Holter?”

“No. Bare said she dropped…the kid off, then left.”