Page 307

Same about girls. Kota’s top of the line in my opinion. Why would I bother even looking at anyone else?

“Everything we do together, I like. It doesn’t matter how mundane it is. Like, I genuinely enjoy myself. I just love being with you. I just love…you.”

All these thoughts race through my mind as I sit back, staring out the windshield. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Love? I didn’t think I was capable, but everything she just described could’ve been coming from my own damn mouth. Does that mean I love her?

“And I don’t expect you to feel the same way about me, so—”

“I do,” I say, and somehow, know without a shadow of a doubt that it’s true. “I feel all that…and more.” I look over at her. “I fell for you, too.”

“You’re not just saying that? Because you don’t have to. I mean, the tattoo, that’s…” She waves a hand dismissively. “…its own thing.”

“What kind of thing do you think it is?”

She replies, “An inside joke,” like it’s obvious.

“It wasn’t a fucking joke.”

“Oh.” After another pause, she says, “But you weren’t comfortable with the term boyfri—”

“Kota, I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love with you. I just didn’t know what it was.”

“You didn’t? How did you…not?”

“The way I grew up… We’re not like that. Loving and shit. We don’t express ourselves like…that.”

“Well, your dad does. Graham’s very comfortable displaying his emotions.”

Right. Graham Pierson, the feminist.

Ever so slightly, I shift my focus to the passenger window, not really seeing what’s on the other side of it.

“I guess it’s only me then,” I say but it doesn’t feel like me. Am I even in my body right now?

“You’ve never been in love with anyone before?”

“I’ve liked people. Girls. A lot of them.”

She snorts, drawing my eyes back to her.

Shit. Why did I add that?

“But no, I didn’t love any of them. I didn’t feel anything for them close to what I feel for you.”

I’m not even sure I can remember any of those girls.

“Same.”

“What do you mean? You loved Guy.”

She’s slow to shake her head. “Not like this, Khaos. Honestly, I’m kinda scared.”

I return to my body in a snap. “Of what? Me?”

“Not of you but of you…leaving. You don’t seem all in.”

“I’m all in,” I argue before I know what I’m doing.

The look she gives me holds too much doubt for my liking.