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“No, no, no, no. No. Kota, I need you to open your eyes. I need you to stay with me. I need you to stay, Kota. Do you hear me? I need you. Goddamn it. Kota! Stay!”

Everything inside me comes to a halt.

Now do I do mouth-to-mouth?

I check her pulse, feeling a faint heartbeat.

She’s not dead. Maybe just passed out from the pain, from shock, from the…

Fuck. She’s dying.

My girl’s gonna fucking die and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.

If she dies, it’ll be like living without oxygen—at first, excruciating, then eventually, impossible. I won’t survive without Kota. If the last twelve hours proved anything, it’s that.

I don’t even want to try.

Blindly, I reach out for the gun. My hands are so slick with blood, it almost slips from my grasp as I turn the barrel toward me.

Holding the muzzle to my temple, I say, “I’ll meet you at the bottom.”

The gun’s taken from my hold before I can pull the trigger.

“What are you thinking?”

I blink up at my dad.

What am I thinking? What am I thinking? I’m not thinking! I’m mourning!

“That I’m losing the only person I’ve ever loved.”

The man that raised me eyes my chest, showing the first flicker of genuine emotion at what he reads, but it’s too late. I told him. I told him Kota was off-limits to all this. He didn’t listen. He kept going, kept pushing, kept gambling, not just with money but with our lives! Our fucking lives!

“You did this.” This is his doing, his fault. He’s the reason those enforcers were here, the reason red coats my hands, my girl, my conscience. “You fucking did this!”

Nothing on him changes. Does he even care?

I doubt it. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have run up that debt like he had nothing to lose.

Sera Rhodes was supposed to be our ticket out of the shitty position we’re both to blame for getting ourselves into. While my dad bet against me, I bet on him. I believed he was doing the right thing by me—always. Truthfully, I don’t know if he ever was. He definitely hasn’t since we got to Sea Haven.

His gambling’s a disorder, sure, but that excuse only works if you’re getting help for it. My dad’s never even tried to. This was the first time I’ve heard him admit gambling is a problem and he couldn’t even take full responsibility for it.

I’ll never forgive him for this. Never.

Sirens sound in the distance, making us both flinch.

Almost dazed, I watch my dad awkwardly try to tuck the pistol into his three-hundred-dollar slacks.

“We need to get out of here, boy.”

I ignore that, ignore him. I’m not leaving. I told her I wouldn’t.

Forehead against Kota’s, I plead with her to fight. She’s the strongest person I know. On the outside she’s sunshine and sparkles, but inside, she’s passion and persistence. If anyone can pull through, it’s her.

When she doesn’t so much as stir, I tell myself she’s just resting. Her body’s been through a lot these past few weeks. She’ll wake up when it’s time.

I need her to wake up.