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“Where did you get this list?”

“The internet.”

That makes a lot more sense.

“Yeah, well, since I’m not a woman, in this case fine actually does mean fine.”

“You know how crucial it is for you to get in her good graces.”

“I am.”

When I go to turn, he’s right there, blocking me with a tilted head. He always could tell when I was lying.

“I’m trying,” I confess. “She makes it hard.” She makes me hard, too. Seeing those panties of hers didn’t help.

“Her or the boyfriend?”

Her. Only her.

“Both.”

“Well, you know my advice. Get rid of him.”

“What are we, in the mob? ‘Get rid of him.’”

“You know what I’m saying. Just…create a wedge.”

“I’m not here to ruin the girl’s fucking life.” Although, her breaking up with Guy would be a massive improvement. For her. And for me. I don’t like seeing his ugly mug around here every time Sera and my dad go out of town.

“Sure, sure. But you do need her to warm up to you.”

“I’ll figure something out.”

“Attaboy.” One hand in his pocket, he holds out the other in a fist for me to bump, but I just eye it like he has the plague.

“What? No love for your old man?”

“You said coochie. Twice.”

“So what? People say that.”

“Not rich people,” I say even though I have absolutely no idea what people with money call pussy. Probably something fancy, like treasure chest.

“Back in my day, I used to eat so much cooch, I—”

“Boundaries, asshole,” I remind him with a growl.

“—was called the Coochie Monster.”

The laugh leaves my lips before I can stop it. “No, you fucking weren’t.”

“I was. I’m a certified coochie connoisseur.” He practically pats himself on the back.

I groan. I thought if I shamed him for saying it, he’d stop. Instead, he’s saying it even more now.

“Sera loves her Coochie Monster.”

It’s never gonna stop unless I get us off this topic entirely.