Page 43 of On Your Life

“Thank you, sir,” I respond.

He seems so kind. Like genuinely kind. It’s so different from the cold shoulder I’m used to getting from everyone that isn’t an inmate around here that I almost don’t know how to react.

He guides me toward the door before pulling out a badge and scanning the pad on the wall. A beep sounds and the door opens without protest.

He hands the badge to me and I stare at it like it may bite at any moment.

“That’s your badge to get through the doors and into the offices. Your inmate ID number is paired with it so don’t get any ideas, we can see every door you open and what time you open it. When you’ve completed your shift you’ll hand it back to the officer in charge of your pod. Understood?”

“Understood, sir.”

This feels like a touch of freedom. Something to keep my hands busy and to keep my mind from chewing itself apart.

My vision begins to blur and I quickly blink the tears away. I didn’t realize how truly stuck I’ve felt until this moment.

We walk down a long hallway before reaching another door. I press my badge against it as instructed and it opens to another hallway, lined with wooden doors on either side.

“These are the administrative offices. Your job is to clean them nightly once everyone goes home. That means windows cleaned, desks wiped down, floors mopped, and trash taken out,” he instructs.

I nod as he speaks. He shows me each office. Some are occupied and every person I pass greets me with a smile. An actual smile. Not a suspicious glance or judgmental stare.

It makes me almost feel normal again. Like I’m not wearing some scarlet letter with a victim's name stamped across my chest.

“Do you have any questions, Ms. Cunningham?” the captain asks.

What is there to even ask? This seems like the easiest job in history.

Working at the bar was hell most nights. Here, I get to work alone. I don’t have to listen to drunk people complain about their problems, and I can avoid the pest that keeps buzzing around me. Count me in.

“No sir,” I say.

I look over at him as we walk back. The small lines at the corners of his eyes show just how much life he has lived. Somehow, those lines don’t make him look tired. They make him look happy.

It makes my heart sink. I wonder if my face will wear the same kind of lines someday. Or if this place will take that from me before I ever get the chance.

“I truly appreciate the opportunity. Thank you,” I say.

“It’s not a problem. Barbara talked highly of you and she hasn’t been wrong about anyone yet. It’s a shame that Suzie is stuck in the hospital. The bar is set high thanks to that one. We all hope for a speedy recovery for her and some much needed rest.”

“You seem to care a lot about the inmates,” I admit.

The words spill out before I think better of it. He exhales loudly before stopping in the middle of the hall.

“I do. I’m no better than anyone here. Life is a series of mistakes. We are all just trying to get by. Some mistakes are worse than others, and some are simply situational. I don’t know everyone’s situation because I haven’t lived their life. If I have learned anything from being in this position, it’s that kindness and understanding can go a lot further than hostility.”

I nod, unable to find a suitable response. He continues down the hall and I follow closely behind.

It’s nice knowing that the women have someone here who seems genuine. I wonder if he knows how his guards act. Not only the one I’m stuck with as a shadow, but also the one that I’m accused of murdering.

This could all be one big facade, but what difference would it make if it was?

For the first time since walking into this prison something feels like it belongs to me. I have a job and a purpose. A teeny tiny piece of freedom.

And right now, I couldn’t be happier.

Chapter 24

Fox