Page 59 of On Your Life

I feel like some lovestruck teenager. All that’s missing is my spiral notebook with K+F written all over the front.

Something seemed to switch between us last night. Even his petty games seemed forced. Like he was doing everything in his power to keep convincing himself that I was the enemy.

“It was fine. Just tiring,” I say.

I doubt I’ll ever tell anyone the truth. Maxie seems like someone I can trust, but this feels like something taboo. Like some dirty little secret that would rot the second I dragged it into the light.

What would I do if he actually had feelings towards me? A fucking inmate in a relationship with a guard? That shit would never work.

“Girls! Do you have a second?” Barbara calls over to us from the benches.

I nod and walk over to her as she separates herself from her group.

“Whatcha need, mother?” Maxie asks.

Barbara looks around first. Her eyes move from guard to guard before she leans closer.

“Keep your heads down the next few days, okay? Guests are coming to the prison and you don’t want any kind of attention from these people,” she whispers.

The look of genuine concern on her face makes me feel like this isn’t something we need to question. This doesn’t feel like a casual warning. We nod in agreement before she turns and walks back toward the picnic tables.

“Wonder what that was about,” Maxie whispers under her breath.

I look back at Barbara. She’s sitting at the table surrounded by people, but she doesn’t seem to notice any of them. Her eyes are fixed somewhere beyond the yard, her expression distant and unreadable.

“I don’t know if I want to know the answer to that.”

***

Nighttime comes faster than I anticipate. I shower and get my badge in record time. I had thirty minutes to get cleaned up before the start of my shift.

I refuse to miss my shower time if I have anything to say about it. Not only because I feel disgusting ninety percent of the time in here, but a small—fucking microscopic—part of me wonders if Fox will find his way to me again tonight. I don’t know if he even works, but it seems like he never leaves this place.

My cleaning cart rocks as I push it down the office hallway, the wheels squeaking every few feet. I decide to start from the back, at the captain’s office, and work my way forward to see if that makes it easier than last night. I already did the bulk of the deep cleaning, so tonight should be a breeze.

The captain’s office is a little bigger than the others. A large wooden L-shaped desk sits in the far right corner with a soft leather computer chair behind it. Inspirational posters line the walls, their cheerful messages looking almost ridiculous against the sterile gray surrounding. A few family photos are scattered in between them.

His wife is a beautiful brunette with soft features. They have two children, and in every photo they look like a picture-perfect family.

I always considered settling down and starting my own family. A life with babies and a big, beautiful house sounds appealing. But finding a man that can be even halfway decent in a town like this is damn near impossible.

I sit down in the desk chair for just a moment. The seat leans back beneath my weight and molds around my sore body. When did they start making chairs this comfortable?

It could just be the fact that I’ve been sleeping on straight metal for a week, but my entire body practically melts into the cushion. I’m starting to understand why Suzie slept on the couch every night.

My eyes close for half a second. If I stay here too long, I might actually fall asleep.

The computer chimes behind me. My eyes snap open and an idea pops into my head.

It couldn’t hurt to look online for a bit, could it? It’ll take seconds to clear the search history. They’ll never know.

Before I can debate with myself about it, I move the mouse. A log in screen appears and my brilliant idea is tossed straight into the trash.

I guess not.

I lift the keyboard and look underneath it. Maybe luck is on my side today and he taped his username and password to the bottom of it.

Nothing.