Page 24 of Shadowed With Fear

“Hey, where you are going?” Brahm’s brows rise as he assesses me. I really don’t want to deal with his judgment right now. Henry besides him gives me a once over too. If I can’t handle Brahms overbearing concern, I sure as hell can’t deal with Henry’s shrink bullshit.

Muttering, “I have something to do,” I try to squeeze past them all standing in the doorway. A hand wraps around my wrist and it takes every ounce of self-control I have to not snap at who it belongs to. I barely looked over my shoulder to see Dahlia reaching out to me.

“Thank you, Grayson.” She’s sincere. I can see it in the open expression in her eyes and the gentle slope of her shoulders relaxed. She is the complete opposite of me right now.

I don’t look back as I walk through the door, trekking through the dew-covered grass to my bike. Throwing one leg over and settling back into the seat, I’m finally able to breathe. I just need to breathe. A couple hours hitting the gym and I’ll be okay.

All this time, and she still won’t look at me when I can’t keep my eyes off of her. I’ll never be able to fix this. It’s like I don’t even exist anymore.

I sigh, starting my bike. The slow rumble of the engine grounding me.

I hope she enjoys her gift. And the deliciously wonderful monstrosity that is those brownies.

Dahlia

Sunlight filters through the gauzy curtains covering the doors to my balcony. Happiness flows through my veins radiating from the inside out. Yesterday—shit. Last night—amazing. I had so much fun with the guys. The Browniezillas were so good, well, what pieces were edible after Brahm forgot to set the timer. We played video games, and watched movies, and Alex serenaded us all with the woes of Queen.

Liz came over sometime after eleven when she got off work. It was great, except, it felt like something was missing. It didn’t feel complete. Maybe it was because Grayson left and every year when the guys throw me my party, he’s there indifferent to the whole ordeal, but his presence is important. Quiet and unseeming, but so noticeable. The little one-liners and quips he would hit Alex with were gone last night. I kind of missed it.

Do I miss Grayson? Not necessarily. A part of me feels like he blames me for what happened last year. That it was my fault he had to pick me up, and it was my fault those guys had followed me to the park. Brahm was so pissed at him. They fought for days; it was the longest I have ever seen them go without speaking to each other. A solid week. Unheard of for those two. And it was kind of my fault. I shouldn’t have been irrational to walk at night, especially Halloween for god’s sake. But I did. And it happened.

It’s just so awkward now. He always avoids my eyes and pretends like I’m not there. As much as I hate to admit it, it hurts a little. Yeah, we would argue and call each other names and be smartasses to each other, but I never hated him. He’s always kind of been my favorite out of Brahms friends—don’t tell Alex. He would have had the biggest adult sized toddler temper tantrum in history if he knew.

Grayson and I have always been able to understand each other so easily. Our mutual love for visual art helped a lot. When I would rant about something cool, I had seen about a new framing style he would chime in on what he knew about it in relation to how it applies to still photos, and so on. Hell, if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have even enrolled in the film program at Wood Ridge University. Until that point, I had just assumed I would be doing something probably like English related because of the academia stuff. But he helped me and showed me ways to adapt my courses and majors to fit a career I dreamed of having.

Yeah. I kind of miss Grayson. My first birthday without him in my entire life, and I could tell. I just hope he’s okay. After he left last night, rather abruptly to be honest, we all moved into the kitchen to finish the brownies. Brahm regaled what dad had told him about the business and the guys all sang their praises. When B pulled the brownies out and the edges had all been a little too close to burnt, we sat them on the counter to cool, and Henry had walked out to his car. When he came back, a box in hand, the guys all sang happy birthday, and I opened it.

Inside was a beautiful Canon Film Camera. Just like the one that my mom used to have. My heart burst into a million pieces as I held back happy tears. Adam, Alex, and Henry, all gave me a hug, shoulder squeeze, and back pat in that order. B just watched me, a small smile lighting up his usually stress worn face.

Rolling over, sitting on my desk in all its glory is my new camera. The number of ideas I have for shots with this beauty. My god, the portfolio is going to be next level now! Holy shit! I need to figure out the theme I’m going with asap.

I jump out of bed, rushing to get ready for the day. Nothing fancy cause I’ll be home all day, and later this evening, Brahm is heading out for a dinner thing in West Ridge for his company.

I skipped down the stairs, two at a time, almost missing the last one. No one seen though so we’re all good.

“I saw that.”

Goddamn it.

Brahm’s bored tone rings through the kitchen. There he is again. Sitting at the counter, coffee in one hand, files in the other. Day in and day out. It’s like some kind of performance art show. Like those guys painted gold in city streets that don’t move for like eight hours.

“How do you sit there all day, every day, and not get bored?”

“Different papers, different day. Keeps things interesting. Sometimes I even add creamer to the coffee if I feel frisky.” He winks at me chuckling.

“Uh huh,” I murmur grabbing a bowl and Fruity Pebbles. “Hey, b. Seriously, thank you for last night. I really needed that.”

He just mumbles something like whatever, taking a bite of his toast.

“How did you know I wanted that camera though? I haven’t told anyone about it.” I lean on the counter eating my cereal as he looks up at me.

“Well, none of us really knew what to get you, but Grays suggested it. Said something about a good investment piece and I ran with it. I tried to get him to take credit but,” he pauses before muttering, “stubborn bastard.”

Grays, huh? Well, shit. Maybe I was wrong.

“B? Can I ask you a question?” I stare into my cereal bowl, chasing stray pieces with my spoon.

“Of course, kiddo.” Brahm sets his papers down and gives me his full attention.