Page 28 of When Darkness Calls

I’ve been lacking on reaching that full potential. It’s changing though. I can feel it just as strong and as real as the cold eyes boring into my back what feels like every second of the day.

That part of me that I have kept hidden has been scratching to come out for so long that I often wonder if I’ve imagined it, and this is truly the real me. That somewhere along the lines I’ve just lost that spark that is uniquely my own. They way Issac has.

When did I start to care about what others thought of me? Or held back and shied away from standing up for myself? Growing up with a brother and his four best friends taught me not to take shit. I know I can dish it as well as I can take it, but the fire is gone.

After this weekend, though, I can’t just give up again.

Reaching into my bag, I pull out a notebook, opening it to a fresh sheet of paper. And I begin to make a list.

By the end of the lecture the page is full, and I feel like it’s the beginning of a new era. Although many believe fall is the season where endings begin, I beg to differ. I thrive when the cold starts to settle, and death is immanent in the air. The cool morning breeze today reminded me it’s much closer than we know.

Armed with my bag, my kick ass combat boots, and the promise of change, I walk out of the hall with a grin wide across my face.

In my hand is my list, my guide, and scrawled across the top:

Getting My Shit Together

nine

Grayson

“Jennifer called. She wanted to talk to you!” Cade’s loud declaration echoes through the stark silence in the house. From the doorway I can hear the hushed clicking of the keys on his laptop and the rustling of papers in the kitchen. The sound has become an unofficial soundtrack of Cade’s everyday life.

“Oh, yeah? She's finally tired of trying to get in your pants, so now she’s going after your friend, huh?” I call out, taking off my boots, and pulling the black hoodie I’ve worn all day over my head. Fuck, it was hot today. I lucked out getting some reprieves from the late August heat when I’d slip into the back of Dani’s classes. But damn, did she really have to sit outside half the day?

Cade watches me from his spot at the kitchen table with an unamused expression, thick arms crossed over his chest. “I thought you were Dani.”

The blast of cool air from the fridge is a godsend as I grab a bottle of water while taking a long drink. I nodded my head toward the door, licking my lips. “She’s right behind me.”

There’s a slow creak as the front door opens. Cade quirks a brow at me as I smirk, taking another sip. God, my throat’s so fucking dry. Fuck summer, man. Why did I even wear the damn hoodie?

‘Cause you rode your bike, dumbass.

Ah, yes, of course. That.

“Jennifer called.” Cade announces as the sound of the front door closing filters through the kitchen.

Dani groans. Throwing her bags on the floor, she walks through the hall to the kitchen finding Cade slumped over a bunch of paperwork, folders, and his laptop at the table. He has a pencil tucked in his ear and he’s wearing flannel pajama pants and an old hoodie from when he played baseball. She takes in the scene, concern creasing her brows. It makes me wonder for a moment just how long Cade’s been here mulling over all the info we’ve collected the last few days. Something tells me this was the same position he was in before he took her to class this morning.

Her gaze lands on me. Beneath my skin itches, my stomach sinks, and suddenly I’m finding it hard to swallow. I straightened from my position leaning against the island counter, tugging slightly at the hem of my t-shirt, twisting the thin silver ring on my pinky.

Shit, I don’t have sweat stains, do I? Why is she looking at me like that?

“Hey,” I croak, voice cracking like shattered glass.

Fuck.

An icy, hot sheen coats my face. Her head tilts, dark messy waves falling over her shoulder. “Hey…” she trails off. Both of them stare at me in varying stages of bewilderment.

I grab my water and turn on my heel, staring at the frayed loose thread on my sock as I hurry to the table to sit beside Cade.

Hey, universe, if you’re listening, what the fuck was that? Couldn’t you have just killed me instead.

God, that was so embarrassing. Why was that so embarrassing? Why am I so nervous?

At least you aren’t suffocating under the weight of unbearable guilt.

Wow. Thanks, brain.