Page 16 of Venomous as a Snake

She sits in the corner of her sofa, legs curled beneath her with a blanket tucked just under her arms. Hooker rests his head on her calves, snoring as loud as the cartoon figures on the television screen are talking.

Kody turns the volume up, and so does Hooker.

I swear he does that shit on purpose.

Pimp licks his paws at the other end of the sofa, only stopping when Hooker wags his tail in his sleep. The cat watches, mesmerized by the back-and-forth motion before he pounces in one swift movement.

Hooker lurches upright, getting twisted in Kody’s blanket. Ninety pounds of lean Dogo Argentino drags her into the floor and leaves her there so he can dodge twenty pounds of Maine Coon cat.

And she cackles as they race around the livingroom like they’re suddenly worst enemies. They’ll sleep peacefully, cuddled together, the moment she turns her bedroom light off, though.

She snags her phone to snap a picture of Pimp holding Hooker on his back, then stands up to retrieve her blanket as the pair settles down. That’s when I realize she’s wearing the oddly adorable giraffe onesie Ali bought her as a joke.

It shouldn’t turn me on, but it does.

After she removes the candy from her pocket-pouch-thing, she pulls her arms out of the onesie and wraps the sleeves around her waist. The t-shirt beneath does not go unnoticed. I grab my phone to text her, to tell her I’m coming over, but that’s not what my fingers type.

Me: What are you wearing?

Blondie: My giraffe onesie.

Me: Oh…? Do tell me more.

Blondie: There’s a pouch on the front.

Blondie: I put my Laffy Taffy in it…

Blondie: Then it got hot.

Blondie: Now it’s all stuck to the wrappers,

so I’m forced to eat it like an animal.

Me: Your dirty talk is topnotch.

Me: Why don’t you put it in the freezer?

Blondie: Is that what we’re doing?

Blondie: Too much effort.

Me: Clearly.

Blondie: You should have mentioned that.

I would have told you about my

granny panties with the floral print.

Me: Very sexy.

Blondie: And my mis-matched socks.

Me: Keep going. Almost there.

Blondie: (laughing emojis)

Blondie: You’re watching me right now.