Page 29 of You Were Always the One

She looks at me uncertainly. ‘Can I come in?’

‘Sure.’ I stand there, frowning. ‘You knocked.’

She shrugs. ‘What did you expect? I’ve moved out, Rigby. I can’t exactly let myself in.’

However alien it seems, she has a point.

‘Which reminds me.’ She fishes in her pocket and gets out a key. ‘You should have this. Can I come in?’ she says again as, in a most un-Emma-like gesture, her bottom lip wobbles.

‘Of course.’ I stand back to let her in, then close the door behind her. ‘Is everything OK?’

‘Not exactly.’ A tear rolls down her cheek.

A feeling of foreboding comes over me. Then she starts to sob. ‘Hey.’ Alarm bells are going off. Then deciding she needs comforting, I put my arms around her. Standing there, I wait for her sobs to subside, then let her go. ‘Come and sit down.’ We go through to the sitting room. Glancing around, I see it through Emma’s eyes – a little dishevelled and untidy, not unlike how I’m feeling right now. But when, Emma doesn’t live here, it isn’t her problem.

‘Coffee?’ I ask.

She shakes her head. ‘No thanks.’

My blood chills. Is she ill? Is there something she’s keeping from me? ‘What is it, Emma? You’re scaring me.’

When she turns to look at me, there are tears in her eyes. ‘Are you sure you want to know?’

I frown at her. I’ve no idea what that’s supposed to mean. But then I find out.

Her jaw is set, her eyes looking past me. ‘I’m pregnant.’

I feel my eyes grow very round. ‘Wow.’ I stare at her. ‘Pregnant? Are you sure?’

‘I’m sure.’ She sounds almost desperate.

Shock hits me. This is so out of the blue, I have absolutely no idea what to think. Staring at the floor, I frown. ‘You can’t be.’ Then a thought occurs to me. ‘Is it mine?’

‘Actually, I can be – and it is,’ she says sarkily. ‘We had sex, remember? Just before I moved out.’

In my mind, I’m whisked back to that day and my heart sinks. I remember Emma’s annoyance, too – after. All this passes through my head while a sense of horror creeps up on me. ‘This is a break-up baby?’

‘Don’t call it that. Anyway, there’s no such thing,’ she says crossly.

As it sinks in, the strangest thing starts to happen, my shock dissipating, as all I can think is how amazing this is – and so not what I expected. Emma made it clear before we got married she wasn’t ready to be a parent. In fact, she wasn’t sure about kids. ‘Wow,’ I say again – inadequately.

‘Can’t you say something else?’ she says.

‘Of course. But…’ For a moment, words fail me. ‘I’m trying to take it in,’ I say carefully. Then I frown. ‘I thought you were on the pill.’

Her cheeks colour. ‘I stopped. There wasn’t any point.’ Meaning up until that last time, our sex life had dwindled to nothing. ‘I thought it was the wrong time in my cycle for there to be any risk… or I’d have mentioned something at the time.’

I still can’t take it in. ‘I mean, this is going to change both our lives.’

‘I know.’ Emma seems to shrink as she sits there.

I take one of her hands. ‘Look. I know this wasn’t the plan. But we’ll work things out. We’ll be the best parents ever. You’ll be the coolest mum.’ I put my arms around her and pull her close. But as I hug her, she’s rigid. Slowly my arms fall away. ‘That bad, huh?’

‘Worse.’ A tear rolls down her cheek. ‘I don’t know how to tell you this.’

A cold feeling comes over me as I look at her. ‘Why don’t you start at the beginning?’

‘I’m not ready, Rigby.’ Her voice is shaky. ‘Not ready to do this. Be a mother.’