Page 17 of Fueled Fury

Rushing into my walk-in closet, I grab his cotton pajama pants and T-shirt. It’s a few of the many things he’d stashed here when things were different between us, when things were better. I’d tried a million times to get rid of the clothes but never could manage to, so I tucked them in to the deepest, furthest place in my closet that was out of sight and out of mind. Too bad that philosophy didn’t apply to Austin himself—he’s never been out of my mind.

Shit. This is a mistake. I dart across the bedroom, quickly open the bathroom door, not daring to look in his direction as I toss the clothes on the counter, and step back into my bedroom, swiftly closing the door behind me.

I sit on the chair near the window and focus on the water. Even with the tranquil view, my mind is racing and won’t slow down.

About ten minutes later, the bathroom door quietly opens and I turn to see Austin walking across the room. He’s wearing the pajama pants but has opted to leave off the T-shirt. My eyes drop to his stomach, involuntarily following the prominent V of muscle until it disappears under the cotton waistband. It’s the same muscle I’ve trailed my tongue over and enjoyed thoroughly.

Shit.

“There was a shirt too,” I instruct, breaking my gaze away from him.

“Yep. I know.”

“Then why didn’t you put it on?” I ask, turning back to watch as his hand rubs along the scruff on his jaw without answering. “Fine. I’m going to sleep. You really don’t have to stay.”

“Yes. I do.”

“No. This is your ridiculous excuse that I totally fell for. I’ve dealt with Matt for the last eight years. Another night won’t kill me.”

“It will me.”

I don’t dare ask for him to elaborate on that statement and instead, crawl into bed and pull the comforter up to my chin. He sits in the chair I vacated. Turning over, I face the other direction but still feel his eyes on me, I turn my head to see I’m correct as his intent gaze is locked on me.

“You shouldn’t be here.” And it has nothing to do with my mother’s rules. He shouldn’t be here because I want him here. “Just go to sleep.”

The room is silent as I turn my back to him and the words calmly spill out. “I can’t get past it. That feeling when I realized you left me at the hospital … and when I figured out you weren’t coming back.”

The bed shifts beside me. The comforter is pulled back as Austin slides under it, his chest against my back, his face tucked against my neck. “Let me rewrite our ending. I swear I’ll never leave you again.”

“No. You have to leave.” Because he will eventually. It’s what they all do. And I’m not strong enough to go through it again.

He feathers a tender kiss on my neck before guiding my back against the mattress. He hovers over me, his arms on both sides of my head as he pins me in place. I should want to escape, but I don’t. I want to go back to when he was my best friend’s brother that I crushed on from a distance. Not the person I love who crushed my heart and became exactly who my best friend warned me to stay away from.

“I’m sorry, Lainey.” The saddened tone pulls at my heartstrings, but I won’t allow him full rein over it.

I latch onto the hurt he caused, allowing my fury to take over. “I’m sure you are now that you want to get your dick wet again.”

“It’s not about sex. It never was for me, and I know it wasn’t for you either. It goes much deeper than the physical way we make each other feel … even if it is incredible.”

“It was only sex for me,” I lie through my teeth, thankful that I might have a chance to hide from him with the cover of darkness in the room.

“Then kiss me.”

Damn it. I’ve never been able to hide from him before, I don’t know why I thought I could now. “No.”

He leans down, his face in mine. “If it’s just physical, a kiss that won’t change anything, do it.”

“You always take what you want. So, if you want it so bad, why haven’t you just kissed me?”

“Because I don’t want to take control from you, I want you to give it to me willingly.” His lips brush so lightly against mine that I’m not certain it’s his lips or his breath hovering along my mouth as he speaks, “You’ve let me stroke your pussy with my tongue. Your lips have been wrapped around my cock. But you won’t let me kiss your mouth. Let me in. Surrender can be so sweet, Lainey. Let me show you.”

“No. You have enough of me already.” It’s silly. Something that seems trivial, but it feels so intimate and binding even more than sex because it’s about more than just a physical release for me. It’s the full act of letting him in emotionally only for him to crush me completely. Again.

“You’re already mine. All of you. Always have been and always will be. This is about control, Lainey. You won’t release that final bit and hand yourself over completely.” He moves back a bit, his eyes looking to my mouth before returning to my eyes. “I won’t hurt you.”

“Yes. You will. Matt isn’t the gravest threat in this house. You are.”

I feel his muscles tighten, but he remains still, hovering above me. We stay silent for a minute until he lies back down beside me. He’s still tense as he brings his chest against my back, slowly snakes his arm around my waist, and pulls me snug against his rigid body. “This is what I miss the most … your skin on mine, feeling your heartbeat, and feeling your breath slowly become soft and steady while you relax, surrendering trust as you fall asleep in my arms.”