Page 49 of Ruthless Deliverance

“Okay.” Glancing around the library, everyone is mostly chatting instead of utilizing the study hall hour.

“You’ll be there.”

A few sets of curious eyes look our way, one of which belongs to Beau. He’s been lurking around, keeping some distance, but he and Creed are back on speaking terms. Armani told him to go take a hike, though, and hasn’t given him a second thought.

“No. I won’t.” I focus back on my phone. I was on the fence about going tonight but this arrogant ass just made my decision. The game isn’t important to the case, so there’s no reason for me to go. The after-parties are more important, but everything feels pointless because all the information I’m getting is being filtered even though Creed said he’d help me.

Creed leans over as he whispers, “Don’t you need to do some recon?”

Dropping my phone on the table, I shift to the side where I can meet his gaze. His face is relaxed, his expression lighthearted. All of this is still a joke to him, and I can’t keep the frustration out of my words as I tell him, “Yes. I do.”

His liveliness fades a bit, his eyes searching mine. “What’s with you?”

“Tired.” Truth. So freakin’ exhausted from being on guard twenty-four hours a day, waiting for some unknown mole to jump out of its hole.

Gripping my chair, he pulls it closer as he leans more into me. “I can help with that tonight.” His mouth feathers along my neck before trailing across my cheek, stopping to hover above my mouth. “Stay with me tonight. We can crash in the guest house, have it all to ourselves so you don’t have to hold back.”

Hold back. That is an understatement. Shoving away from him, I grab my bag and pull the strap over my shoulder. “I’ll pass spending the night at your parents’ house.” Passing is what I should’ve done the first night he showed at mine.

When I turn to walk away, his hand clasps my wrist, keeping me in place as I look back at him. I wait for him to say some smart-ass cocky remark. But he doesn’t. His eyes stay locked with mine, and I don’t bother trying to read beneath the tight expression on his face. It’s all a fuckin’ lie. Him. Me. Philip.

Jerking from his grip, I head out of the library and go straight to my car. I can’t sit through another class. Besides, what are they gonna do, fail me? I’m not even an actual student, but somewhere along the way I started caring a little too much about putting on the show. I care a little too much about the other performers in said show. But that’s all this is to me, a performance with players who don’t belong in my life. And I’m tired. Tired of partaking in it and pretending it’ll end well. Because I know it won’t.

44

CREED

She jerks away from me, and I let her go, watching as she exits the library and disappears out of sight. I don’t know what it is. She’s been with me but not. It’s like she’s going through the motions but there’s nothing behind them. Not even the fiery hatred she held for me. That was easier to deal with than the disconnect.

Beau moves to the seat across from me and glances over his shoulder to the doorway she just left through. “Seems like you don’t have much control over the situation as you’d thought.”

“Watch your step.”

“That’s what I’m trying to do. For the both of us.” He pauses for a second, and I know when he continues it won’t be something I’ll be happy to hear. “I think she’s gotten to you, more than you want to admit. You need to let me handle it.”

“And how do you plan to do that?”

“I don’t know. Warn Dennis to lay low, let Dani know her little mission has failed so maybe the bitch will finally get lost.”

“She won’t just walk away. She can’t.” Is that what I’m hoping or what I actually believe?

“Yeah. Whatever. But you really should. She’s starting to warp your mind if you think you have any control over that.”

“You’re right.” And damn it, that one tastes bitter. “I’ll deal with her. Don’t worry. Let’s just focus on the game tonight, and everything else will take care of itself.” And it needs to sooner than later. Philip is running out of time. And so am I.

“Are you ready for the game?” Beau thankfully zeros in on something other than Dani.

“Yes.”

“We really need this win.” Beau doesn’t sound confident, and he shouldn’t be because I’m not ready. Practice has been terrible, and my head has gotten even more jacked up as the week has gone on.

“Yes, we do.”

He goes into a long-winded speech about some of the poor play executions, and I try to listen until study hall is over. I head to my next class and wait for the time to pass. That’s it. Just waiting until tonight when I confirm I’m not gonna measure up and I can’t do it without Ethan.

And hours later, the time has passed too quickly. That happens more now since Ethan’s been gone and I stay mostly sober. Even though I’m already awake, there’re several moments where I’ll look around and feel like I’m waking up. Like as the fog lifts, I realize the previous period of time has passed a daze. And this is one of those times where I snap myself out of the haze. Because it’s game time.

We’re huddled together, getting ready to take the field, the sound of the crowd in the background, the announcer inciting them for our intro. Usually, this moment helps me get pumped for the game. But all I think about is she’s not part of the cheering spectators. And it pisses me off. My head isn’t in the game. It’s on her and the dull ache in my shoulder. Another injection (against the doc’s advice) took the edge off, but the pain is still there. It’ll never go away. The realization hits me. It’s not the pain I can’t tolerate, it’s the constant reminder. Dad’s words ring through my head. Someone drugged us. It shouldn’t have happened. And yet, I still can’t let go of the notion that it’s on me. I’m the one who pulled him into the life. Was the money good? Yes. But it wasn’t needed. I needed something to break up the boring, predictable, decided life I had in front of me. And I can safely say I did just that.