Page 118 of Golden Ruin

Her fingers move through my hair then grip it tighter when I trail a kiss up her chest to her neck, then her chin. Touching her feels so right. And while I’d like to say our break was wrong, that things weren’t supposed to play out that way, I can’t. Because being apart broke us, shattered the parts of our hearts that needed rebuilding. It grew us up, made us better and right for the versions of ourselves who exist today.

I hate that it had to hurt so fucking much, but I’m grateful for where it brought us.

“Lie back,” she breathes against my mouth, and my back hits the sheet the next second. I watch as she kisses a path down my chest, my stomach, down to her name in ink near my hip. The warmth of her curls falls over my skin, and the second she lowers my waistband and puts my dick between her lips, my eyes slam shut.

She does this thing where she swirls her tongue around the tip as she sucks, taking me deeper, and I feel it the moment she stops thinking so much. The hand not angling my dick toward her mouth squeezes my thigh, but this goes beyond feeling wanted by her. Something in her touch tells me she finally trusts me, finally sees what I’ve wanted her to see all along.

That I’m not going anywhere.

A strained, “Fuck,” rumbles up from my chest as her lips tighten around me. Every single time we kiss or get close like this, it overwhelms me how much I missed her, how much I wasn’t really over her. Not the way I wanted to be.

Not the way I pretended to be.

I lift my head to watch her sucking me in, and she probably has no idea how fucking beautiful she is. Not just right now, but always. She lets go of my thigh to sweep her hair out of her face, and I catch it, holding it in my fist and out of her way. With her hand free again, she pushes it up my torso this time, squeezing my chest tight, rough. Like she wants me just as bad as I want her.

“Come here.”

She peers up at the sound of my gruff demand, pressing several kisses to the tip of my dick before letting go. Then, I’m watching her crawl up my body with this sex-drunk look in her eyes that only grows stronger when I grip the back of her neck and bring her mouth to mine. I kiss her deep as I pull her dress higher with one rough tug, then smooth my hand down the curve of the most perfect ass I’ve ever seen in my life.

She grinds down on me, and my dick throbs against her, feeling nothing but the thin fabric of her thong between us. I want to be closer, need to feel more of her, and she doesn’t say a word as I reach between us, pulling the damp silk aside, finally feeling the heat of her skin against me. I hold my dick to her entrance, breathing harder as I imagine what it’ll finally feel like to be inside her, but before I get the chance to fully fantasize, to fully prepare myself for where this is headed, she drops lower. Heat from her slit makes my head spin when she opens against my tip, wetting it just enough to make my entire body tense at the feel of it. She doesn’t move, doesn’t let me in completely, but I’m already wild for her.

My hips move on instinct—or maybe out of desperation—creating friction as she kisses my chin. My rapid breaths move her hair, and I’m doing my best to be patient, but at the risk of sounding weak… I fucking need her.

And as if she’s inside my head, she answers my unspoken plea. Her pussy is soft and soaked, so tight around my cock as she lowers onto me. Air hisses between her teeth, and I stare up at her silhouette as she slowly takes me deeper, until I’m filling her completely. She doesn’t move, she just sits there, adjusting to the feel of me inside her, and it’s surreal being connected to her like this after so long apart.

I place my hand on her chest, feeling how her heart’s racing underneath my palm, but after a few seconds, it slows down, and she places her hand on top of mine.

I’ve wanted this for so long. Not just the two of us surrendering physically. What I wanted most was her heart, her trust, even knowing it would take time. But as the room grows quiet around us, it feels like I’ve somehow made my way back home after not even realizing I was lost.

Slowly, she starts rocking her hips, and the feel of her tight and slick around me makes all thought leave my head. My hands lower to her waist, gripping her when I need something to hold on to. With both hands planted firm against my chest, she rides me harder, faster, to the sound of our ragged panting filling the air.

I’m torn between wanting to savor this and wanting to hold her as she comes. And in the end, the savage within me wins.

A soft moan rolls off her lips when I thrust into her, matching her movements with measured friction. Her nails bite into my pecks, and that shit makes me give it to her harder.

“Come for me, Lex.”

Another whimper leaves her. I lift my head until I catch one of her nipples between my lips, sucking as it tightens against my tongue, tightens like her clit as she grinds against the base of my dick and starts to shudder in my hands.

“Oh, fuck,” she whispers, then says it again twice as loud.

I thrust upward, harder and faster, making sure she feels every single inch of me as she rides out her orgasm. Watching her, feeling her, a knot of tension in my stomach travels lower until I see she’s gotten what she needs. Only then do I give myself permission to stop holding back.

And when I do, it’s like a dam breaks inside me.

I lose every fucking ounce of control as I empty into her. My hands squeeze her too tight, but she lets me, riding me harder when her nipple slips out of my mouth when a loud, primitive sound resonates inside my chest. It feels like I’m coming forever, proving that my body missed her more than I even realized.

Our bodies go still when we’re done, but even after I’m spent and unbelievably content, I don’t want to let go. Maybe she feels that too, because instead of climbing off me, instead of retreating, she lets her weight settle on top of me.

She inches down my torso a bit, and the warmth of her cheek pressed to my chest as my heart races calms me. I touch her softer now, drawing invisible circles on her back as my eyes drift closed. It should scare me how comfortable I am with her, and months ago it might’ve. But it isn’t even like we slipped back into who we were. We haven’t. We can’t. Two totally different people showed up after everything we went through, and that’s who’s lying here tonight. Not old Sterling and Lexi with all their baggage and toxic habits. Being apart broke all that. Now, I’m hoping she lets me give her this new version of me. The version with a healed wound and open heart that’s ready to love her just as she is.

Because I already do love her just as she is.

A quiet laugh leaves her when I kiss the top of her hair.

“You okay?”

The question lingers between us a couple seconds before she nods. “I am.”