Page 30 of Golden Ruin

He peers up briefly, a faint smile on his lips as he nods. “Anything you need.”

I clear my throat, searching for something else to talk about. Something that doesn’t make me so nervous that my armpits sweat.

The first thing I can come up with is, “I know it’s the off-season, but shouldn’t you be at the training facility? Daily workouts and whatnot?”

“I’ll be on my way as soon as I get this all cleaned up. There’s a workout on schedule, then film review.”

I open my mouth to speak, but Jax cuts me off. “Daddy, can I go?” His eyes are wide with excitement. “I think I can get big muscles like you.”

He rolls up one sleeve and flexes, pushing his lips out as he strains to make the biggest muscle he can. I cover my mouth to hide my smile, because he’s completely serious. Far be it for me to discourage the kid.

Sterling grins, fighting for his life to hold in a laugh of his own. “How about this? As soon as you’re old enough, I promise I’ll take you to the gym with me sometimes.”

“And I’ll get muscles, too?”

“You’ll get muscles, too,” Sterling promises, and I feel that same warm squeeze around my heart I always feel watching these two. As a girl who didn’t have even an inkling of this type of connection with her father, I know how special it is.

“Jax, have you thought about when you might be ready to go back to school?” My question has his face lighting up already. “There’s no rush. If you need more time, we–”

“I’m ready today!” His hands fly up, still gripping the stick of butter.

Surprised, I glance toward Sterling to find him just as shocked.

“Oh… okay. Well, today might not work, but if you want, you can start back Monday. That sound good?”

Jax nods emphatically, doubling down on his decision.

More than anything, I want him to feel normal again, want him to put the trauma of losing almost everything behind him. And this, going back to school, feels like the perfect distraction.

I lift my gaze to Sterling again. “Thoughts?”

He shrugs, then smiles down at Jax. “If he really thinks he’s ready, I say we do it. I’m sure his friends miss him.”

Another nod from Jax confirms it.

“Then, I guess that’s that,” I sigh.

Sterling smiles again, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes this time. I notice it because I used to notice everything. I hate that, sometimes, part of me still does. But what I hate even more is that I want to ask what’s wrong even though I won’t.

Can’t.

Besides, I have my own dilemma. As if letting Matt know where I’m staying wasn’t bad enough, telling Sterling he’d like to visit will definitely be the highlight of my day.

“Hey, so… I wondered if it’s cool for Matt to stop by later?”

The question leaves my mouth, and I hate the way it feels. Like a teenager asking her dad’s permission to have her boyfriend over. Only, Sterling’s not my father, and Matt isn’t my boyfriend.

We’re friends but more?

We’re… it’s complicated.

Sterling doesn’t look up when I expect him to. He keeps his eyes trained on the pancakes as he flips one, immediately flipping it back like he just needed something to keep his hands busy.

I arch a brow, feeling more and more awkward as the seconds tick past.

“If you’re uncomfortable with it, I can–”

“I… Yeah,” he forces out, blinking as he seems to finally come to his senses. “Of course he can drop by. You don’t have to ask things like that,” he says, but I wouldn’t have anyone over without clearing it with him first.