Page 78 of Golden Ruin

Had it not been for our little interruption, tonight may have been the night that we took things too far.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Sterling

I tossed and turned so much that the blanket slid to the floor, but I gave up on sleep about an hour ago in favor of pacing from one side of my room to the other.

I check the time on my phone–three a.m.

All I can think about is the kiss, her on top of me, me wishing our clothes were on the fucking floor.

Fuck.

What the hell am I even saying?

Things weren’t supposed to go that far. I meant what I said. I was trying not to take it there, but… the feel of her so close, looking at me the way she did, wanting me just as badly as I wanted her.

That part alone made what happened inevitable.

But I told myself I’d give her space, wouldn’t get in the way of the life she’s trying to build. Turns out that’s simply a promise I can’t keep. Not if I’m here… right in the next room, under the same roof.

In the same city.

I glance at my phone again, but for a different reason than before. This time, I scroll through my texts until I get to Cliff’s name, and before I can overthink it, I type out a message to let him know I’m in for Spain. Maybe if there’s an entire ocean between Lexi and me there’s a chance I can stop myself from fucking this up.

But then I lower my phone and don’t hit send. Because no matter how I try to spin this, no matter how hard I try to convince myself, what just happened between us doesn’t feel like a mistake.

It feels like history bubbling up to the surface, reminding us we’re not as over our past as we thought.

“Fuck it.”

Apparently, I’m having an impulsive night, because my feet are moving toward my door the next second, then I’m at Lexi’s right after that, knocking lightly, trying not to feel guilty about waking her. But when she answers, still wearing that hoodie and the tight shorts that got the best of me hours ago, the alertness in her eyes tells me she was already awake. Probably trying to figure shit out just like I am.

“Mind if we talk?”

She doesn’t respond or nod, just steps aside and lets me in. The door latches shut behind me, and I wonder if this was a bad idea. The room smells like her, making me want her all over again. I shake it off, though. This conversation is more important than anything physical.

No matter how badly I want to fuck her right now.

“What’s up?” she asks, then plops down on the edge of her bed.

I stare at her through the darkness, counting my own breaths.

“I’m a wreck,” seems like the most honest place to start. “I’m trying to understand what just happened, and I–”

“I’m sorry,” she cuts in, voice quivering. “You opened your home to me, and I’ve done nothing but complicate your life since the second I stepped foot inside this place.”

“Lex–”

“What happened between us was highly inappropriate, and I’m not even sure where that came from.”

Doesn’t she, though?

Because I sure as hell do.

She sniffles, and while the darkness hides her tears from me, that sound makes it clear she’s crying.

“It was a mistake, and if I could take it back, I would. We both would,” she adds, but I’m already shaking my head.