Page 88 of Golden Ruin

Air rushes out of me. I can’t keep doing this, doing this push and pull bullshit with no clear idea of what’s happening. I want Lexi. Period, full stop. We’ve established that. But what the fuck are we actually doing besides making a mess of everything?

“Night,” she calls out, waving at Blue and West as she heads this way. We never make eye contact, but I know she feels me watching.

The interior light pops on when I reach across her seat to open her door, but we don’t look at each other or speak as she climbs in. Because we haven’t spoken since the dance.

I start the engine, then Dane flashes his headlights to signal me to pull out in front of him. Already, the inside of the truck feels smaller and way too fucking quiet, which means the ride home should be fun.

Beside me, Lexi lets out a sharp sigh then crosses both arms across her chest. You could cut the tension between us with a knife. And being completely honest with myself, I’m over this shit.

Being awkward. Not saying the shit we need to say. Holding in our feelings like we’re in some sort of fucked up competition. But the catch is, no one wins.

My jaw tenses as I turn on the radio, keeping it low because I don’t actually want to hear it. I just need to kill the silence somehow. We pull into the garage still not having said a single word to each other, and when we get inside, I’ve fully accepted that this is how our night’s going to end.

The house is pitch black. I toss my keys to the counter as I pass, letting them slide across the granite. Lexi’s heels echo against the tile as she trails me through the kitchen, the foyer, and now up the stairs. I’ve already unbuttoned my shirt when I turn the corner toward my room, but before I grip the doorknob…

“So, we’re just ending the night like this?”

I stop cold, not turning to face her as she waits for some sort of answer, but I’m tired, frustrated, and angry with myself for feeling so much.

“I’ve got nothing to say.”

She scoffs behind me, then steps into the space between me and my door, forcing me to see her.

“You can start by telling me what the hell that was tonight. Behaving like that in front of everyone?”

I’m not sure when something as simple as a dance suddenly became a sin, but apparently it is. With me at least.

My jaw ticks as I glare at her through the darkness. “I’m not Jax.”

She frowns. “What?”

“Don’t fucking scold me.”

She makes a face like I’m misreading her. “What? I–”

“Excuse me.”

I reach around her for the knob because I can’t do this. Won’t do this. But she grabs my bicep when I take a step. My gaze flicks to where her fingers are locked around my arm, then to her eyes. Even with zero light here in the hallway, I see she regrets touching me, and witnessing that look for the second time tonight only fuels my frustration more.

Tension spreads across my shoulders and my jaw ticks again.

“I’m not doing this tonight,” I warn, because an argument is the last thing either of us needs or wants. But when I take another step, one word from her has me halting.

“Typical.”

My eyes cut to hers. “What?”

She takes her hand away, staring, unable to hide how her eyes glisten. “I’m trying to talk and all you can think about is walking away.”

My gut twists when I realize what typical meant. She’s talking about before. Our breakup.

My fists tighten at my sides, and while I’m dead-set against continuing, I can’t shut it down. Not anymore. Not after that.

“Fine. You want to air shit out? Let’s do it.”

I grit my teeth as I step closer, invading her space because why shouldn’t she be uncomfortable too?

“You’re flighty, Lex.”