Page 28 of Sorry

CHAPTER 31

SAM

Waking up from what felt like the longest sleep I'd had in a long time, I felt so warm and comfortable. Then I remembered what happened last night.

I had another nightmare. The dream was awful. It was more of a memory, some things were blurry about the dream in my head. I remembered that incident that happened about a year ago.

Kyle was drunk in the middle of the night, and had woken me up by dragging me out of the bed by my hair and kicking me all over my body, while I was on the floor in the fetal position shielding my face. He was shouting at me that I was useless, that I was ungrateful. He came home late and there was nothing prepared for him to eat, after him working all day, and being out with his coworkers after work.

He cracked my rib that night I was sure of it. My side was almost black with how badly I was bruised, my back wasn't much better either. I remember pleading with him, I kept promising him it wouldn’t happen again. He spat on me and went to the couch where he quickly fell asleep, as if nothing had happened.

Alex heard me last night. FUCK! And he was still in the bed with me, fast asleep with his arm over me, his hand splayed over my bare chest. Spooning me. I could melt in his arms… God… How embarrassed I was that he saw that. Him seeing me cumming all over myself, wasn't even half as bad as him seeing me have a night terror.

But he was so gentle with me. He soothed me so fast. When I woke up alone from one, it would take me a long time to calm down and I usually didn't go back to sleep after, too scared it would pick up where it left off.

I didn’t want to get up. His body was warm and comforting. I wanted to stay in Alex's cocoon a little bit longer, when he suddenly spoke, “Hi. Did you get a good sleep after? I am sorry I fell asleep here. I planned on slipping away but you were like my personal hot water bottle, when you finally warmed up, and sleep took over.”

I turned slowly on to my back, but he didn't move his hand off my chest. I didn’t want him to move but I was mortified, and couldn't bring myself to look at him. His hand left my chest and my skin felt cold now. He grabbed my chin and turned my head to face him. He was fucking gorgeous this close up. His eyes were so dark brown, they were nearly black. His lips were full with a defined cupid's bow. He looked cute with sleepy eyes and an imprint line on his cheek, from the pillowcase.

“Sam. I need to know if you are good after last night. That was rough. You said they happen often. I don’t want to pry, I am sure you would tell me if you wanted to. I also can gather this has something to do with your ex.” I turned my head back a bit, looking away.

“It happens often. It’s not… I can’t… I don’t…” Tripping over my own words, not ready to tell anyone. Shame would swallow me.

“No no no. You absolutely don’t need to tell me anything you are not comfortable telling me. I just wanted to ask if you are safe? I am here and I will make sure nothing bad happens to you. And I need to know if you are ok now? Answer me those and I won't ask any more.”

I could do that. He was so worried looking and I hate doing that to people. So I said, “I am ok now, actually better than any time I had them before. You helped me settle so much faster than I could ever do on my own. I think I am safe. Nobody knows where I am. He doesn’t. But I am incredibly embarrassed that you witnessed that.” I whispered, so quietly I was surprised he heard me.

His thumb and forefinger were still holding my chin, when he got me to look at him again. “We are cuddle buddies, remember. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. But I will tell you something that I find embarrassing about me to make it fair. I stayed married to Tess for eleven years knowing she was cheating because I was convinced no one else would want me. She always told me I was embarrassing her with my calloused hands and dirty nailbeds from work, my scuffed up work boots and clothes. I believed I was lucky I was even married. I thought getting a divorce would mean I would be forever alone. And now after I signed the papers, I am far from sad, it feels like I can finally breathe. That's it. That's my biggest embarrassment.” He let out a self-deprecating chuckle. Trying to make light of it.

I gathered she wasn’t a great person and I called her a bitch in front of him, but she was so much worse than I thought. I was so angry that I realized his distraction tactic worked. Turning towards him, face to face. I wiggled my way into the same position he had me in last night and wrapped around him like a limpet. “That no good, miserable excuse of a woman did not deserve you. She couldn't be more wrong and doesn’t know what she lost. Despite only knowing you for such a short time, even I can tell that your heart is bigger and purer than anyone I know. You are a hard-working man, your work clothes show that, there is nothing embarrassing about it. It's something you should be proud of. Anyone would be lucky to have you Alex. Your hands are actually so attractive. I bet if I took a picture of just your hands and posted them on my social media the book community would drool over them. And that's just your hands, not to mention you as a whole are a catch.” I may have gone overboard but my words tumbled out of my mouth with how angry his words made me.

He was still as a statue, if he wasn't blinking I would have thought I’d broken him. His eyes switched from looking at my eyes, to my lips a few times and my pulse sped up. In a split second his lips were on mine. Gentle and not moving. Soft and warm. I was surprised but not enough to move away. He pulled away slowly. His eyes found mine again and he whispered, “Thank you Pup.”

CHAPTER 32

ALEX

Instead of the expected rejection, he leaned in and gave me another peck on the lips and said, “You are very welcome.” While smiling warmly.

I kissed a guy and I liked it. He kissed me back and I liked it even more. It wasn’t planned. It just happened. I wanted to kiss him more, so, so, so much more. I really fucking liked him. I think I shocked myself, as much as I shocked him. But his words… man, I needed to hear them. What he said to me… That anybody would be lucky to have me… Shit! It was so good to hear that, even though it was hard to actually truly believe it, after so many years being told I was not good enough. Just saying ‘thank you’ didn’t feel like enough. I had to kiss him.

“The two of us seem to be carrying a lot of baggage.” I noted, swirling my fingers in a circle pattern along his back making him shiver.

He smiled, “Yeah, it looks like it.”

Concerned, I asked, “If I crossed the line with the kiss, you would tell me wouldn’t you?”

“If my memory serves me well, I kissed you back didn’t I? I liked it.” He admitted, quietly.

I said tentatively, “I wouldn't mind if it happened again.”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t either, but I don’t know if I can go any further than that just yet.” His voice wavered slightly.

“We don't have to do anything you don't want to do, Sam. I’m just happy you’re not kicking me out of this bed, it is too comfortable.” He laughed, and wedged his leg between mine to get cozier. He set his hand on my cheek and kissed me again, this time he leaned his head to the side, opening his mouth inviting me in.

The guy I couldn’t stop thinking about, was kissing me. Still gentle but with more want. I licked his lips and he reciprocated. I was tasting him now and I didn't want to stop. My hand went up, cradling the back of his neck and the side of his face, feeling the day-old stubble. I was definitely kissing a man and absolutely loving it. If there was any doubt about my sexuality this settled it. I couldn't remember kisses feeling like this before… like I was floating.

After a few minutes of the best make out session of my life, we separated our mouths to come up for air. It never turned frenzied or passionate. It felt like two people finding closeness and comfort in each other. Two people that see past the exterior masks, designed to keep those internal scars hidden from the world. It felt like we'd done this before which was insane, considering we only met like two minutes prior.