Page 27 of Thirst

He licks his lips and leans toward me. “Yes. The sight of it, the smell of it … and the taste of it.”

Seventeen

Inearly jump back in my seat, but I force myself to stay put because I promised not to be judgmental. Plus, Amari kept it so cool when I told him about my cutting. He didn't flinch when I said I still think about doing it. I try to match his energy and keep my gaze on him, but … the taste of it? Of blood? I've heard of a lot of different kinks, but this one is new for me. I've never even thought of doing anything like that. Where does a desire like that come from?

“I dated someone who introduced me to it,” Amari says, right on cue. “It was her thing, and because I was into her, I went along with it when she asked me to taste her blood. I was nervous as hell the night we planned to do it for the first time, and for a minute, I thought I might back out because it was weird to me, admittedly. But I forced myself to go through with it, and the look on her face when she cut her thigh and saw the line of blood trickle out … she was more turned on by the sight of her own blood than I'd ever seen her be before. I knew she was turned all the way up, and if I did what she wanted, she would go through the roof for me. So, I got over my fear and leaned in.

“I clamped my mouth on her leg, and I sucked. Barely anything came out—just a little taste of metal, like sucking on a nickel—but she closed her eyes and leaned her head back like she had just taken a hit of heroin. Then she rubbed herself while I kept sucking, and when she came, I thought she might literally explode. Her eyes rolled back, her body convulsed, and her scream sounded like murder. I was hooked. It became a weekly thing up until we broke it off, but the kink had its talons around me. I was fiendin’ for it, but you can't just go around telling people that sucking blood makes you hard. So, I only did it when the timing felt right, which was almost never. It’s been years since I did it, but just like you, I feel the urge in my belly far more than anybody knows.”

As Amari finishes his story, I find myself in shock. I've never heard anything like that in my entire life, and while I expected to be horrified, the story didn't make me feel like running away. Instead, while watching him tell it, I only felt more interested in him. This was something he could've kept to himself, but he gave me all of this detail while looking me right in the eye, and with every passing word I felt more connected to him. We’ve bonded over our darkness, and our shades of black don't have to match in order for us to relate to one another. As crazy and unique as his kink is, I'm glad he told me.

We stare at each other for a moment, probably both wondering what the other person is thinking, and as I look at him, I feel a sense of warmth in my heart. I don't know what it is, but it feels good and quickly spreads through my arms and legs like I'm experiencing some sort of high. I try to focus, but I swear I hear a voice in the back of my mind, whispering that maybe I want to explore this with him. I can barely hear it, but it’s there. Is it my conscience? I don't know, but I like the sound of it.

“So, do you wanna run out of the room screaming?” he asks, only half joking and pulling my focus back to him.

I shake my head, clearing the fog. “Umm, no. The opposite, actually.”

Amari chuckles. “What’s the opposite of running out of the room?”

I can't believe I'm about to say this, but the words roll off my tongue nonetheless. “I want to explore it with you.”

“What?” he says quickly with a deep groove in his forehead.

“I want to explore your kink with you,” I repeat, stunned that I'm not lying. “I've never done anything like that, and I've definitely never met anyone willing to admit it. So, if you want, I’ll let you relive it.”

“Aaliyah, don't play.”

“I'm not, I swear. I’ll let you drink a little of my blood. You never know, if it’s as hot as you say, maybe I’ll be into it, too.”

“No,” he says, shaking his head vigorously. “You were a cutter, and you've gone six years without relapsing. I'm not gonna have you ruin that streak for a kink.”

“Well, I appreciate you saying that. Truly, I do. But this isn't the same. I'm not hurting. I'm not trying to ease pain in an unhealthy way. You've already helped me financially. My former worries are slowly melting away. I'm in a healthy place, and if there's a chance I can turn this dark urge into something pleasureful, I'm willing to try it. If you are, of course. No pressure. But if you say no, I want it to be because you really don't want to, not because you think I shouldn't.”

Amari stares at me like he can't believe I'm real. Then his eyes fall to the floor as he thinks about it. I can't believe I'm actually willing to go through with this, but I was so intrigued by his story that I want to try it for myself. Have I been missing out? Maybe it's something new and dope I could get into, and if it’s not for me, then it’s just not and it’s over. I’ll have learned something about myself in a healthy way.

“You're sure you wanna do this?” he asks. “You wanna cut yourself for me and let me taste your blood?”

I nod. “Yes.”

“And what if I asked you to give a blood sample to make sure you're one hundred percent clean? Would that offend you?”

“Not at all. I'd want you to get an STD test to make sure you're clean, too. Practicing safety has never bothered me.”

After another brief pause, Amari says, “Okay. I’ll even reimburse you for it.”

“Even better,” I say with a chuckle,

“Good. Okay then. Now tell me about the former worries you mentioned a second ago? What former worries?”

“Oh, I had a rent increase in my apartment complex that was gonna have me homeless in six months unless something major happened for me financially. Ironically enough, I met you shortly thereafter, and your generous tips extended my timeline.”

“Extended the timeline,” he says, repeating me. “Okay. How about we extend it even further then?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ll pay you twenty-five-hundred-dollars every time you let me suck your blood. I don't know how much your rent is, but I assume that’ll cover it?”

With wide eyes, I nod. “Uhh, yeah. That'll definitely cover it. But you don't have to do all of that. You've done enough already.”