Page 68 of Thirst

“No, but you’ll lose your ability to control your thirst,” Shawn rebuts, reminding me of what he’s really worried about. If I don't feed, the thirst will only grow more insatiable until it forces me to act on whoever is nearest. Nine times out of ten, the person nearest to me is him. He and I both know that if I let it go too long, the thirst won't care that he's my only friend. It will butcher him all the same.

“It’s only been four days,” I say. “I’ll be fine. So will you.”

“I know it’s only been four days, but you look like you're not even thinking about leaving this room. Come on, man, you gotta get up.”

“For what? Is the casino that difficult to run in my absence? If it is, then let it slowly wilt away. I told you, nothing matters except her. I meant it. I don't know how to go back to normal now. How could I, knowing that my normal wasn't even a life worth living before her?”

“Geez, is it really that serious?”

My head snaps in his direction, finally looking at him. He steps back at the sight of blood red in my eyes. “I'm getting tired of having to explain to you what it means to have a Companion. I'm starting to think you're intentionally downplaying it. I am a vampire, and we are fated. How I feel right now is not my choice, and I don't get to just get up, go down to the casino floor, and replace her with someone else. This is not a divorce to be posted on Instagram and celebrated with my friends as if I never cared about her, followed by pictures of my glow up. For me, this pain will be eternal. There will be no glow up. I will not recover. If I never die, neither will the agony of losing her.”

Shawn looks at me as understanding takes shape on his face. He swallows hard before looking down at the floor. “I've never heard you talk like that before. I'm sorry. I'm just not used to you being so affected by anyone. You've always been as smooth and confident as anyone I've ever met. Seeing you like this just makes me sad. I almost wish you’d never met her.”

I tear my hot gaze from him and go back to staring at nothing. “I've thought that myself, but then I remember what it felt like to see her for the first time and I take it back. I'd rather suffer through eternity than erase that feeling. So if she never calls, I’ll still be grateful that I met her.”

Shawn sighs as he walks into the room and sits on the bed in front of me. “I know you said you would never do it, and I respect that, but you could rid yourself of this agony by simply turning her. I'm not trying to piss you off, but you have a solution to his problem.”

“Forcing her into a life she doesn't want is not a solution,” I snip, although my eyes stay staring off into space. “I refuse to Influence her into love, or bite her into understanding what she means to me. It’s her choice to make.”

“And what if she chooses not to be with you.”

“Then that’s it.”

“What’s it? You're just gonna sit here forever? You gonna walk out into the sunlight and end it all?”

“Just get out, Shawn.”

“What about Stanley? You Influenced him to the point of basically being a zombie for you. You're not gonna put that to use? What am I supposed to do with him?”

“I don't care.”

Shawn sighs loud and hard. “Come on, Amari, I'm not a babysitter.”

“Then kill him.”

“What?” he says, jolting his head back like I hit him. “Kill him? Me? Are you crazy? I'm not killing anybody.”

“Then push him into traffic and let a car kill him. I don’t care. Just get off my bed and get out of my room.”

Shawn lets the weight of the moment sit on his chest a while before finally getting off the bed. I don't make direct eye contact with him, but I can still see him shaking his head while he stares at the side of my face. He starts toward the door and stops at the threshold.

“You can't let this be the end of you, Amari,” he says, hoping it snaps me out of my funk.

It doesn't. It won’t. Nothing he says or does will.

Only her.

AALIYAH

Forty-One

“Damn, you’re sexy as hell. Yeah. Work it.”

The man’s lips graze my ear as he whispers to me during his VIP lap dance. I've done this so many times it’s second nature to me, but he's acting like it’s his first time with a woman in his lap. I don't know him. He's just another customer. I barely even register that he's here, because for the last week since Amari told me everything, I've been completely numb.

The music in Fantasies rattles the walls like always, but I pay it no mind as I move my hips for my newest customer. He continues saying things in my ear, and I keep ignoring it. I've tried to move on since Amari walked out my door, but a week without him has only shown me how bland everything was before he spiced up my life. I'm bored to death, because everything is the same ol’ same ol’.

I'm back to repeating my routine of work, stress, wine, and sleep, but it all feels worse because I have new knowledge about life. I've seen things I can't even tell Nae about without risking her safety. Amari said he wanted to protect me, but I don't know how he’d feel if I told anyone else about him. So I'm in this by myself. I miss Janae, and I miss the way being with Amari made my heart fill with adrenaline like a pitcher overflowing. I was never bored when it came to him, but boredom has come back with a vengeance since he left.