Page 69 of Thirst

“Ooh, you twerk that thing like a pro, girl. Yeah. Wow.”

My body moves without my mind being attached to it. I'm here, but I'm not. I think I'm actually still in my living room with my face buried in the pillows, crying about how overwhelmed I feel and trying to figure out how to either accept it or move on from it. I don't know which one I'm supposed to do. On one hand, accepting Amari’s offer means dating a vampire for real, and carrying the burden of a secret unlike any other. Hell, I don't even think our crooked ass government knows that vampires exist. I'm supposed to walk around at night with a vampire by my side, knowing he can survive gunshots and read thoughts and control minds? Am I supposed to fall in love with him? Is that even possible? I love a bad boy, but this is next level.

On the other hand, I have nothing. My palm is empty. I'm a stripper wishing to be an artist, barely making enough money to pay my rent and putting up with constant crap from my boss and his little girlfriend. I'm being begged to sell myself in the Viper Rooms while twerking for men who don't know how to satisfy a woman and would gladly cheat on their partners if I offered them some head. I'm unhappy, stressed out, tired, and bored out of my mind. But I'm safe from the vampire who thinks I'm his lifelong Companion.

Safe. Is being a stripper and dancing for men every night really safe? If Amari cares about me the way he says he does, he would keep me safe. He already proved that with what he did to Stanley, so I can't help but feel like I'd be safer with him than without him, but that doesn't make any of this easier for me.

“Yeah, that’s it, baby. Hold on a second and let me grab this Henny.”

I hate that I feel so torn. Nothing in life can just be easy. I mean, things have been so bad that I'm seriously considering willingly giving myself to a vampire because the alternative is more of the same crap I've been dealing with forever, with no light at the end of the tunnel. I've been traveling in darkness and wishing for light for so long, splitting my tips with a crooked club owner, while my landlord tries to price me out of my home. I paint in my living room and wish for more, yet I'm ready to turn it down when more shows up at my doorstep, because the “more” isn’t even human.

“Damn! What are you doing?” my customer suddenly asks, snatching my mind back to reality. I'm confused for a moment because I wasn't thinking about this dance at all, but then I see that his shirt is soaked from a spilled drink that has gotten on both of us. “I told you I was gonna get a sip of this Henn. You didn’t hear me? What are you, a sexy ass robot? Damn man, watch out. I need to go to the bathroom. If I go home like this, my girl will know I was at the club. Shit. Bitch thinks because she’s fine she can spill drinks on a pimp like me? That’s why I don't even like pretty bitches. Where the ugly hoes at? I need a stripper with some goddamn courtesy …”

The man’s voice trails off as he keeps mumbling to himself on his way to the bathroom. I have to use the tiny square napkins on the table to try and dry myself off, and when that doesn't do the trick, I fist the forty dollars he gave me and make my way to the back to get cleaned up properly.

I grab a few paper towels and carry them over to my vanity so I can use the mirror and change if I have to. When I sit down, Majesty sits next to me, having just come off the main stage. She’s out of breath with beads of sweat on her forehead, yet still beautiful as always. She flicks at her short hair for a second before her eyes drift over to me in the mirror, watching as I dab my chest with napkins.

“Damn girl, you good?” she asks, giggling at my inability to dry my top.

I let my hand fall to my side, that feeling of being overwhelmed taking over once again and forcing tears to my eyes. When Majesty sees my face, she turns to me with seriousness and places a hand on my knee.

“Aaliyah, what’s wrong?” she asks. “Did one of those men out there hit you again? Tell me who it is and I’ll have them beat up and thrown out.”

“It’s not that,” I say, surprised at how emotional I am. “I'm just stressed. I've had a lot going on lately.”

She nods. “I know. I could tell. You haven't been yourself for a little while now. Tell me what’s been going on?”

I shake my head, knowing I can't really tell her, which makes the tears fall faster.

“It’s just … god I fucking hate men,” I say, using men in a general sense because I know she’ll be able to relate.

“Ooh girl, don't we all. I didn't even know you were dating anybody,” she says.

“Well, I sort of am. But also maybe not. I don't even know. I was messing with this former customer—”

“I knew it,” she interrupts. “That dark, fine, strong one who was ready to blow up the spot when that boy smacked your ass, huh? I knew you two were more than you were saying.”

“It wasn't even like that. Well, at least not at first. When we first started, he was paying me to come to his place. It was business.”

“He was paying you to see him outside the club?” she asks, and her voice is one part surprised mixed with one part disapproval. “Does Von know that?”

I shake my head. “Of course not. I don't need Von knowing all of my business. Plus, things moved fast and it went from business to real feelings. Now he's asking to be … like … together together. But the more I learn about him, the more I'm not sure what to do. He wants to help me become an artist, and he says all the right things, but I'm just scared of getting hurt.”

Majesty is silent for a moment, clearly deep in thought, before she clears her throat.

“Is there something about him that you disapprove of? Is he a gangbanger or a drug dealer?”

“Nah, none of that,” I say quickly so that she doesn't get the wrong idea, even though I can't let her learn the truth.

“Is he in the mafia or something? Looks like the mafia type.”

“No, I just … I don't wanna get into it. I just don't know what I should do. It’s like I've been waiting all this time to move on with my life and leave this club, but when a man offers it to me, I don't know if I should take it. He said he could set me up with an art exhibit full of potential buyers, and I could make enough money from my paintings to finally quit stripping for good. I could be an artist full-time.”

“Then what are you waiting for?” she snaps, sitting up straight and looking at me like I'm crazy. “Look Aaliyah, opportunities don't come knocking every day. I've never seen your art, but you talk about it all the time, and I can tell that you love it. Sometimes you just gotta get your foot in the door, and if things don't work out between you and him, at least you’ll have made some headway into doing what you really wanna do. In this life, it’s all about who you know. So if he can hook you up, get that hook up and turn into something legit for yourself. You don't wanna be stripping for these fools forever. If it was me, I’d be all over that shit and chuckin’ up deuces to all of y’all as soon as my money was right. Don't let me get a record deal, or get brought on as a backup singer for Kehlani, because I'm gone. No hesitation. But, that’s just me.”

As I dry my eyes, I let her words weave through me. Majesty is a real one and a hustler, and I've always depended on her advice and friendship. She's right about me needing to take advantage of the opportunity being laid at my feet, but she doesn't know a vampire is the one offering it. So as much as I want to listen to her, how can I when she doesn't even have all of the information?

Sensing my consternation, she pats me on the knee and stands up. “Don't let it get you down. You’ll make the right decision for yourself. As much as it’s bothering you right now, we both know what you need to do, and I hope it all works out for you. If you ever need to talk, you know where to find me. I gotta hit the floor. Chin up, bitch.”