Page 127 of Stanton Adore

I immediately stand. “Josh, I don’t want Christopher, I only want you.” He keeps his back to me, and I know it’s so I don’t see his face. I walk over and cuddle him from behind.

“Josh, what’s this about? Talk to me, I don’t understand.”

He turns and cuddles me as he kisses the top of my head. “Tash, I’m going to be honest with you because I love you and I want what’s best for you. I want you to hear me out before speaking.” I nod.

“I wasn’t with that girl last night. I was in the strip club for about ten minutes, picked her up and left. It was totally premeditated that the photos were taken. I didn’t realize that you knew me as well as you do and in hindsight it was a bad decision but I still think that we should break up.”

OK, now he’s scaring me.

“Josh,” I whisper as tears fill my eyes. “Don’t say that, baby.”

“Hear me out, I can’t give you everything that you deserve. You have to give up everything to be with me,” he says, deadpan as if running on autopilot.

I frown. “Josh, moving to the other side of the world is not giving up everything, and besides I told you already as long as we are together, I don’t care.”

“Tash, you have to give up your job, your friends and your family.” He looks down to the ground. “Motherhood,” he whispers.

My eyes turn to saucers. “This is about children?” I gasp. His haunted eyes come back up to meet mine and I know immediately that’s the reason. He needs to be admitted, what in the hell is he on about? I burst into a giggle and he looks at me in disgust.

“This is not funny, Natasha, not even close.”

“Josh, we have every opportunity to have children. There is only a one per cent increased risk in first cousins and the younger I am the risk goes down. I have researched this for years, you stupid man. Besides, I don’t care if we adopt or use a donor egg, whatever. As long as I get to mother your children I will be happy.” He swallows the lump in his throat but doesn’t speak. “Josh, it is not your role to protect me from you, I am not a high school girl giddy on love. I have thought long and hard about our relationship and I will not be with anyone else as long as I know you love me. So, if you push me away in some hero act you will only be punishing me with a broken heart.”

“Tash, you don’t know what you are saying,” he whispers.

“Wouldn’t you prefer to be the man who looks after me and loves me and tucks me into bed every night?” My eyes search his. Nodding, he drops his eyes as he thinks.

“Josh, I am not letting you go. I love you too much to do that and you can’t ask that of me. It’s not fair that you have made this decision by yourself when it involves my future, what were you thinking? We have fought too hard already to be pulled apart now.” I grab his arms and wrap them around me and finally he relaxes into me and cuddles me, then he bends down to gently brush his lips over mine.

“Tash, I just need us to break up now if we are going to. It will break me in a few years if you decide that you hate America or the life I live and leave me. I won’t be able to handle it.”

I smile a broad smile. “Do you honestly think that you won’t be making any sacrifices to be with me?” He frowns, not quite understanding my meaning.

“No women or strip clubs and by the way, if you pull a trick like you did last night I will kill you with my bare hands and a smile on my face.”

He smiles warmly as he pushes the hair off my forehead and nods. “Deal,” he whispers.

“I mean it, Josh, postal. Like Silence of the Lambs-style killing.”

He laughs out loud. “OK, I get it. Natasha, I didn’t know what to do, I knew I wasn’t strong enough to leave you and I knew you wouldn’t let me. You’re right. I am gutless. I tried to take the easy way out.” He hangs his head in shame.

“Yep.” I smile. “Totally,” I reply as I do wide eyes at him. I frown as I sum up the events.

“Why are you even thinking of babies and me, Josh?” I pause and smile. “Are you going to ask me to marry you?”

His eyes twinkle as he smirks, his head at an angle to the side as he watches me. “No, it doesn’t mean I am going to ask you to marry me.”

I frown in disappointment. “This is probably one of those times when you should shut up and look pretty then, Josh.”

He laughs. “Are you saying you want me to ask you to marry me?” He raises his eyebrows.

I smile and bite my lip. “No, I don’t want you to ask me to marry you.”

He fakes a cranky face. “Now you can shut up and look pretty.”

“Actually, I already look pretty and I think you need to be punished.” I smirk.

His eyes shoot up to mine. “Punished,” he repeats.